Day 137: The end of the earring journey...and next steps...

What an incredible 137 days this has been - I've learnt so many lessons and have so many things to be grateful for.

I've learnt a lot about myself - that I have more grit and perseverance than I ever knew I had and, importantly, that I can 'live in the day'. I also know to achieve this I've locked away lots of emotions that are sure to percolate up and out once this whole experience is over, but it's helped not to focus on these feelings now and just get on with things. Day by day, step by step...

I've also learnt so much about the people around me in the golden web. I always knew I'd married an incredible person in Robbie, but his endless love, care, tenderness and attention towards me, and the boys, is above and beyond anything I could have imagined. He has created a such a sure and solid foundation for me throughout these months, making the journey bearable, even in the darkest days. I truly don't know how I would have got through it without him. James and Angus too have been amazing: funny, patient, well behaved, sensitive to my needs - I could not have asked for more.

My wonderful family - Dad and Margie, Lindy, Cazy, Paulie and Geets and Ree have been always been my back, proving endless comfort and practical support. This experience has brought an already tight bunch of siblings even closer. Darling Betty and Kerrie, Jeff and Annie have also sustained me with their care and concern. Aunties Napier and Chappell have been wonderfully supportive.


Mum has been with me throughout; I've felt her presence every single day. Wearing her earrings and those she gave me as gifts has helped to keep her very close. I've also drawn on her experiences and learnt from the dignity she showed during her difficult treatment. The lesson is that although Mum's dead (don't use euphemisms for death she always said), she remains a constant guiding force in my life.

A undeniable lesson of this journey is how blessed I am by all the precious friends in the golden web. It's not often in life one has the privilege of feeling the full force of so many friendships at once. Significant birthdays, weddings, and other events can bring some of one's own golden web together; but this experience is different. Through messages of love and support, food, flowers, jigsaw puzzles, gifts, I've been connected to all the people in my tribe over what has become a significant amount of time. This has sustained me in ways that I could never have imagined. I've learnt that little gestures count just as much as big ones, and constancy is the key. I know that for some people who go through difficult times, they often feel people around them pull away, finding it all too much. I've had the opposite experience - people have come towards me - not only close friends, but colleagues, neighbours and others I didn't know so well. This tells me much about the qualities and values of my family, friends and colleagues, and is something for which I'll be forever grateful.

I've learnt seemingly insignificant things have value and that the taken-for-granted is important. I suppose the focus on my earring collection, which I used not to think much about, signifies this; as my collection shows I have earrings made of precious jewels and cheap pieces of plastic, but all of them have equal value because they link me to people and to experiences that are central to my life. Reliving these memories, scouring the photos, writing the blog have bought me a little bit of cheer every day. Looking at the overflowing jewellry box, and thinking of that sense of achievement I felt every night as I deposited a new pair of earrings, I am overwhelmed with emotion about all those people and experiences that each pair represents.


I've learnt not to stress about work (at least not quite so much) - but that having some work to when you're feeling miserable is also a great distraction and allows you to still feel part of a larger world. I've also learnt I love doing jigsaws.

I began the blog by committing myself to focus on gratitude. This has been important to my emotional survival during my trip to Chemoworld. Shifting my focus from what's wrong to what's good - to all the ways I'm privileged - have kept things in perspective. At a time when 'mere anarchy [has been] loosed upon the world' I've been kept safe in the hands of my family, friends and medical care that is second to none.

...And gratitude for that medical care continues and is now sending my journey off into a new and unexpected direction. Two weeks ago, Dr Rowena the radio-oncologist didn't like something on the imaging she did in preparation for my radiotherapy, (something dismissed by four other sets of eyes last December) so she sent me for a biospy. The biospy results shows there is some residual breast tissue from my surgery 7 years ago, which contains some 'pre cancer' cells. Dr Rowena, Dr Rachel and as of today Dr Elizabeth - my new super skilled surgeon - all agree that this tissue needs to come out before I start radiotherapy. So instead of heading of for radiation, I'm back to the operating theatre next Friday 16 June, for another procedure - the fifth on this breast since 2010! I'll have four weeks to recover before the radiotherapy starts, but I will do so knowing that these women and Dr Kath are not letting anything get past them, and providing me with the most professional, swift and complete care imaginable. Gratitude!

And speaking of gratitude I've made my A-Z list of gratitude during the Earring journey:

Amazing Angus; Anti-nausea tablets

Blog; Bed; Beautician Aoife; Bamboo headwear; Baked treats; Bach; Baths 

Coconut oil; generous Colleagues; Chris the Cleaner; Colour in books; Cranberry juice; Cauliflower soup 

Doctors: Kath, Rachel, Rowena, Elizabeth and Dave (who I've abandoned but without his initial treatment I'd be in a much worse position); Dentist Dave; Docetaxel (the bitch) - disgusting but effective; 

Earrings; Email; Eyelashes and brows - what's left, that is; 

incredible Family; precious Friends; Flowers; FEC (the Red Devil) (see Docetaxel); Fresh food

thoughtful Gifts; Ginger 

Humour; Honey & eucalyptus drops that keep my mouth fresh

Ice blocks; Internet shopping for a pick me up

gentle James; Jigsaws; fresh Juice; Jelly 

Kinghorn Centre nurses

Love from near and far;

Memories of Mum; Molly; Moisturisers; 

Neighbours; Nails hanging in there, just; Nail polish;

Oil (Argan and Rose hip), courtesy of Ree and Vicky; Orsi the Lymphodema specialist

Portacath; Panadol; Podcasts; Photos 

Quiet and peace at home

the incomparable Robert; Radio, especially late at night 

Sunshine; Sydney park; School support for the boys; Steroids (see Docetaxel)

Tea; TV for binge watching; Telephone 

UNSW support

Vietnamese food

Watermelon 

X-rays and scans though I hate having them done

Yoghurt

Zzzzzs, when I can catch them

I'm going to take a break from blogging for a few days, to catch my breath and prepare for next steps. I'll be back, perhaps with necklaces, or bangles, next week to take a detour across to Surgeryland.