Day 85: Mum's Seed Pearls

Back to Chemoworld central today, and boy it was a busy place. With the Easter shutdown on Friday and Monday every step of the process today was crowded, starting with a long queue for blood tests when the doors opened at 8am this morning. Looking around the packed waiting room, and later the full clinic I was reminded again just how common and random cancer diagnoses are. I dashed in to join that queue, then home for a walk with Angus, Rob and Molly. After a couple hours at home and a nice Japanese lunch in Darlinghust with Robbie and James, Rob and I headed to the clinic for my 2pm infusion.

I had nurse Zoe looking after me today, who, like all the other nurses in the Kinghorn Centre was incredibly competent, but she was rushed off her feet with every chair filled. She set me up, and again with an easy port access and no sign of anaphylaxis (thank goodness!), she left me to it. Last time I had ice packs on my fingers, this time they had enough cold gloves to go around and oh my god they were freezing! I felt like my fingers were going to drop off.  I looked like I had grown clown hands.

I was feeling very tired though out the treatment today as I'd had a very disrupted sleep due to the steroids last night. After Robbie and I finished the crossword (I think I contributed 2 answers from my mushy brain!), I lay back listening to the latest podcast sensation S. Town, which kept me distracted. I've finished 2 episodes now and think it's wonderfully produced but does take some focus, and I'm not yet clear where it's heading.

Bringing me strength during my infusion today, I again wore a pair of Mum's earrings. These are a simple pair of seed pearls which she wore often, as have I since she gave them to me. I have a download of her last camera photos and have spied her wearing these on three special occasions - celebrating James' 9th birthday (her cakes were always so much better than mine), Gracie's 8th birthday, and spending precious days with Jai just after he was born. As ever, I missed her terribly today but it helped to be wearing the wonderful locket with the photo of us Meg sent me last week (it's hiding under my scarf in the photo), which did make her feel very close.


I was wearing these earrings in 2015 when I received a UNSW award for PhD supervision, after being nominated by my wonderful PhD students - Rose, Kavitha, Natalie and Emily and Sophie (missing from this photo). I've been so fortunate to have the opportunity to work with these clever and insightful women. On tough days like these, these fabulous people give me inspiration and excitement about the future - which I hope will involve working with them in different capacities, and watching them forge their own new paths and interests across a range of critical areas of gender justice.

Now I'm home I'm settling in for a quiet night. I'm feeling a bit battered about and trying to get into the right headspace to push on through what I expect will be a tough week or so. At least I know that I will bounce back, and am feeling so relieved I only have to endure 1 more infusion in three weeks time.