Day 90 - another '0' day, which makes me feel like I'm making progress. It's now 38 days until I 'officially' finish the 6 chemo cycles. I could say 'only' 38 days, but it actually still feels like a long time given I know what I have to get through between now and then. But it does mean the end is slowly coming into sight.Despite the ongoing stabbing pains and mouth issues, I am feeling considerably brighter on yesterday, helped greatly by being able to break out of my cabin, in which I've been feeling feverish. We headed over to visit Geeta, Paul for lunch and collect Angus after his sleep over with gorgeous cousin Jai. It was lovely to catch up, albeit briefly, and helped shake me out of a funk. An evening walk with Robbie also helped.
As I knew I'd be seeing my precious sister-in-law today, I reached for the gorgeous pair of earrings Geeta gave me recently. Made from wafer-thin wood, they are incredibly light and lovely to wear. The red beads a perfect contrast against the black; they make a fabulous addition to my expanding red collection.
We are so blessed to have Geets as one of our sisters. She's an incredibly warm, generous, and kind person who is a great listener and always has insightful and thoughtful comments to make. She's brave too - making the move away from her beloved family and friends in Malaysia to come to Australia, and all that that entails. Mum adored Geets - as we all do - and was so happy to see Paul build a life together with her. Geeta and Paul's weddings ceremonies in a Catholic church in Sydney (by Fr Sin, no less!) and a Hindu temple in KL were both great
celebrations. Geeta is a wonderful Mum to our precious Jai, the youngest of 13 cousins.
Today I've been feeling a bit frustrated. First because the girl with the pearl earring jigsaw - let's call her Maria** is giving me grief. I've got out almost all the coloured bits and just have a giant blackish border to go. Rather than a distraction, she's becoming a frustration and a burden...I'm prevaricating: on one hand I think I should pack her up and start something new...but then I think given perseverance is the name of the game at the moment, I should just stick with her and see if together we can complete the journey. Perhaps the answer is a collective one - call a gathering of jigsaw-istas to get her done! **(One art expert provocatively suggests Maria, Vermeer's daughter may well have been not only the model, but the artist of this picture. If the theory in the fascinating film Tim's Vermeer is correct, and the artist used a mirror painting technique, then the conjecture seems even more plausible. It certainly wouldn't be the first time a woman genius flew under the radar and her brilliance is accredited to a man).
The second reason for the frustration is a growing sense of being constrained and contained - one of the psychological effects of this treatment I guess. It's been four months now - ever since the surgery in December - since I've felt free and competent. I'm starting to get tired of being patient, energy-less, uncomfortable and quiet. I'm dreaming of being active, energetic, swimming, enjoying a delicious meal and glass of wine, focussing enough to read a good novel. Rob and I have started planning holidays for later in the year which is a great distraction - today it can't come soon enough.
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