Day 27: Gracie's Owls

These are the sweetest earrings I'm wearing today - a pair of pink crystal owls. They have a big personality - almost Dame Edna-esque with their diamante frames - and are such fun to wear!

Gorgeous Gracie with Gus and Nanny, 2009

They were a gift from my gorgeous niece Gracie who knows well my obsessions with earrings and owls. She bought them for me in Tasmania when she was there visiting her lovely Thompson grandparents, Anne and Rob, a couple of years ago.

Gracie and some of her boy cousins - Barrington, 2016

In her generation of our family, Grace is a rare breed in that she's a GIRL! She has two grown-up girl cousins, Daisy and Millie, but otherwise survives in a sea of boys...with two brothers and 8 boy cousins.

Fun at I Scream Nails!

She's an incredibly good sport and so patient with them all, but sometimes we need to break out and do some fun girly things...

Serenaded by Gracie

Gracie has many talents, she has a lovely voice, is a great cook and is a really thoughtful and loving person. She's been so kind to me throughout the last few months - making me drawings, calling me to see how I'm doing, making great suggestions on what I can do with my hair and bald scalp. She is a regular follower of the blog, so it's lovely to be able to highlight her part in my earring journey today.

Welcome Paulie, Geets and Jai-man

Day 27 and I feel MUCH better than yesterday. A good night's sleep set me up for a good day. An early walk around the park with Robbie, Gus and Molly was a positive way to start the day. The highlight of our day was heading across to see my brother Paulie, sister in law Geeta and nephew Jai, in their gorgeous new home - just down the road fom Deb and Mel. They arrived from Melbourne yesterday to live in permanently Sydney. It feels so great to have them in town! I've started my first 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle, ever. It's of the Kuekenhof Gardens in the Netherlands, which we visited in 2008. I expect it will take me forever, but it's a great distraction from the nausea!

Day 26: Silver petals

Sometimes life randomly offers up the most wonderful gift. For us, one of these was buying our house in Alexandria almost 10 years ago - which we've named 'Beryl' after Rob's dear Aunt. We live in what the real estate spruikers call 'the Golden triangle'. I see it as a continuation of the golden web stretching across my life.

The first new thread in the web started when we landed next door to the best neighbours imaginable - the Clancy-Mann family. Katie, Bern and their girls Ella and Lauren instantly welcomed us to the 'hood, and over the decade have become an important part of our world.  Katie and I are very close friends, meeting as regularly as we can for a cup of tea to share the joys and challenges of our busy lives. Katie's perceptive insights, wisdom, and humour have brightened many a challenging day. We've also benefitted from the music collection of the wonderful 'DJ' Bern, enjoying the strains of his selection when our houses are open in summer, while their lovely girls provide important role models for our boys.

James and Angus walking to school, 2012

When we moved in, Katie and Bern gave us recommendations for all things local. They helped us us settle on 'Erko' as the best school option for the boys, and through Katie's and the school network, I've been threaded into the lives of many other wonderful people. Bec Macken is one of these - a compassionate, intelligent and caring person and an amazing Mum, who is always great company. Of course there is only ever a few degrees of separation, with me already knowing Bec's Mum, Jane, through Deb Brennan because of Jane's important work in the area of feminist public policy. Katie, Bec and I make sure we put aside time for regular dinners, always returning home with aching cheeks from laughing so much.

Bec, Lou and Katie with my new earrings

The Erko network has led me to many talented, energetic, generous and thoughtful women including Helen, Angel Ali, Cath, Sophie, Jodie, Kathryn and many others who make this such a fabulous place to live.





Today I'm wearing a gorgeous pair of earrings given to me by Katie, Bec, Helen and Angel for my 50th Birthday. They are made by a Sydney Jeweller, Brigid Kennedy who has close links to others in the Erko community.
At the end of the triangular hooks are a matte silver petals. They are really special and unique. They will be getting lots of wear in the years to come!

I'm still a bit fragile on Day 26. Last night and early this morning everything ached - including all my lymph nodes - because of the combination of the chemo and the white blood cell production. The nausea has been consistent, though the medication has helped. It's worse when I get hungry, but I don't know what I feel like eating - a very unusual dilemma for me - probably because it all tastes the same.

An outing with Katie and Bec this morning to a cafe across the road really bucked up my spirits, but I've got little stamina and came back home and fell asleep! I started the exercise regime again this morning and hope this might give me a boost longer term. A lovely afternoon storm eased the heat, and a walk with James and Molly after the storm cleared my head. Robbie continues to manage me, the house, and the boys magnificently. As Mum always used to say, never underestimate the hard work of carers. So true!

Day 25: Tiffany 2

Birthday picnic with Tiffany hoops and mini Moet, 2008

The Tiffany silver hoops I’m wearing today are a nice segue from yesterday’s reminiscences  about my time with Pauline and John. When we were celebrating our first Christmas with them Languedoc in 2008, Robbie and the boys gave me these hoops as a birthday present. The earrings arrived via a somewhat circuitous route - we’d been living in the Netherlands for a few months before Christmas and Rob couldn’t access a Tiffany’s store from which to purchase what had become my annual treat. Thoughtfully, Rob contacted Suzie to track done his selection – she was then living in Dubai and heading to France to join us for Christmas; thankfully, Suzie generously did the deed.

On my birthday morning, delivered with breakfast in bed was the iconic blue box and white ribbon with the classic silver hoops inside. Later in the day, while Pauline and John took care of the boys, Rob and I headed off for a picnic in the hills, with a hamper of delicious grown-up goodies, including mini bottles of Moet. We arrived home to more wonderful food, champagne and dancing. It was such a happy, memorable day.

Admirality House ICC Reception, 2012

The link to Pauline is one reason that made me think of wearing these earrings today. Another is that they relate to an event that occurred 5 years ago this week (as reminded by facebook): a reception hosted by Quentin Bryce, the then Australian Governor General at her Sydney residence, for delegates to the International Criminal Court conference I helped organise with my dear colleagues from UNSW Law. It was a steamy hot February afternoon when our contingent of about 100 - made up of ICC, Australian and regional government officials, academics, civil society actors - descended on the lawn of Admiralty House. Overlooking the harbour and back to Opera House the city, it offered a knockout view for our international visitors, and signalled Australia’s high level commitment to addressing atrocity crimes.

I was wearing my Tiffany hoops at the reception. As much as I love these earrings, it is obvious from a photo of the occasion I was well and truly ‘trumped’ (in the pre-2016 sense of the term) in the earring stakes – which as every earring obsessive knows, can sometimes happen! Quentin Bryce, our first female GG, has exquisite fashion sense, and that was well on display this afternoon. Wearing a beautifully tailored magenta and black cocktail dress, the GG’s ears were adorned with a pair of stunning black jet chandelier earrings. Very few people could pull off the look, but Quentin is definitely one of them.

Inspirational Eve Ensler

While we were all on our best behaviour during the reception, we did have one mischief maker in our midst, the talented and very funny New York playwright Eve Ensler of Vagina Monologue’s fame. We’d invited Eve to the conference to speak about her work on women’s rights in the Congo. Eve kept Andy Durbach and I on our toes throughout the event after she’d declared that perhaps the best way to greet a female GG was “Your Vagina-highness”! Thankfully Andy and I avoided a diplomatic incident by gagging Eve, but we three did have a hilariously funny evening back at hotel afterwards imagining the scenarios.  In all seriousness, Eve is an incredible inspiration to me right now, detailing her own experiences of Cancerworld in her book 'In the body of the world'.

Angus' Year 5 swimming carnival 

Day 25 has been a bit of a rough ride. While I metabolise the latest blast of chemo and my white blood cells are shaken up, I’ve been feeling pretty ordinary – nausea is the worst side effect and aching bones, but others are now kicking in including a dry mouth which makes everything taste like cardboard (upstetting for a food lover). Chemo attacks every fast dividing cell in the body, of which, apparently, saliva cells are the fastest. I was grateful to have a physio treatment this morning which has helped shift some of the lymphatic fluid build up. 
Rob and I then made it to Angus’ swimming carnival – Go Red! A relaxing afternoon on the couch with all manner of soothing ginger treats helped pass the time.

The wonderful news that cousin Katie Kelly has received yet another accolade – and importantly $20,000 funding  - from the Primary Club for her incredible new Sports Access Foundation made me very happy. Go KK you amazing thing!

Day 24: Pauline's cupcakes

Needing a 'pick-me up' pair of earrings today, I immediately reached for the 'cupcake' drops Pauline Crogan and John Bishop gave me as a birthday gift in 2013. They come with a wonderful matching beaded necklace; they always attract compliments when I wear them.  It's not just that the earrings are fun, but they bring with them a burst of of happiness, thinking about all the special times I've spent with Pauline and John over the years.

Pauline and I and a stranger, East End pub, 1986
me wearing  Pauline's earrings

I'm 'related' to Pauline through a slightly complicated route. Her wonderful brother Pete is married to my Aunty Suzie, Mum's sister. So we're not blood relations, but have developed a deep bond over the years that feels familial. Pauline grew up in Australia, but has been London-based most of her life. With my sister Ree, she gave me my first introduction to London in 1986, welcoming us to her rambling terrace in the yet to be gentrified Hackney.

Celebrating Pauline's 50th, Notting Hill, 2002

Later moving to Notting Hill with the divine John Bishop, Pauline and John have been the most generous hosts to our family. We were fortunate to be in London in 2002 for John and Pauline's wedding at the Chelsea Registry Office, followed a few days later by Pauline's fabulous 50th birthday party. In the past decade we've also celebrated three Christmases at their beautifully renovated house in Lasalle in the Languedoc region of France - including in 2008 with Suzie and Pete.

John and Pauline coaxing on one reluctant walker, 2002 

Pauline has made a great impression on my life at many levels. She's a wonderful cook and has introduced me to new culinary sensations - my first taste of prosciutto and melon in her Hackney kitchen, delicious cheeses and french treats, fabulous wines - especially the local Languedoc reds and Kir Royales at the Uzes bar! She has also introduced me to a new world of authors - at 19 she gave me the Maya Angelou collection, at 39 she told me about William Boyd  - 'Any Human Heart' remains one of my favourite novels ever. An intrepid walker, Pauline has encouraged me to be more of an outdoors girl. Before my recent Coastrek jaunts, my longest walk was an 8 hour trek in the Cevennes Hills with Pauline, John and Rob - in the pouring rain!  I love Pauline's infectious laugh and irreverent sense of humour. There's always dancing, regardless of the occasion.

Dancing with Suzie and Pete, Pauline's lounge room, 2008

Having a boxing day birthday means I've also celebrated a number of birthdays in France at Pauline and John's in the past few years. Each time I've been treated with an artfully inscribed bouef en croute and delicious cake from the local patisserie - the ordering of which is always a hilarious test of John and Rob's French speaking skills!

Pauline has the most impressive jewellery collection of anyone I know, and has generously passed many things on to me over the years. The first pair of earrings she gave me, back in 1986, was a punkish asymmetrical pair - a fly stud for one ear and a spider on a chain on the other - sadly lost among my many moves. I love this photo from 2011 of Pauline showing John and me her Christmas loot!

In recent years, Pauline and John have lived a peripatetic life with John's legal expertise in high demand in Hong Kong, Beijing and Dubai. Pauline has used this time to refine her amazing artistic talents. Undertaking a masters in fine arts, she has developed an intricate style, reminiscent to me of the work of Brigid Riley. Her patterns reflect her amazing colour sensitivity, and the grids reflect the logical, accountant-trained side of her mind. Pauline's work has already been shown at the Royal Academy in London and the London Art Fair. We're fortunate to have two of Pauline's prints now hanging at home.

James, big and small Angus, Christmas 2013

Alastair, Laura & Lou, Lasalle Christmas 2011

A golden web runs through our relationship with Pauline and John too - back to the Crogan clan of course, and forward to an entirely new web of Glaswegian friends, Alistair Morrison and Laura Docherty and their gorgeous son, 'big' Angus, then through Laura to Bryan Kane and his wonderful family, all of who have sent me messages of support over the past weeks.

Day 24 and the queasiness continue -  thank goodness for the additional drugs. I can feel the bone marrow doing its job, but the panadol is keeping most of the pain away. The heat has returned, not quite so searing but a bit too much for me nonetheless. I filled my day with an excursion to Broadway for some shopping, and a lovely visit from my sweet brother in law Chris. Chris brought me a gorgeous gift of a pair of earrings- combining them with my other obsession of owls - to be on view soon

Day 23: Pink (wedding) crystals 2

My pink obsession is coming through loud and strong in this blog. Never was it made so apparent than on my wedding day in December 2001. After much searching, we finally found the perfect shade of pink for my dress followed by a great dress maker - an ABC TV costume designer. We then set about finding someone to design some matching jewellery. Fortunately, we struck upon Sarina Suriano, recently returned to Sydney from Italy, who made me a simple pair of Swarovski crystal earrings which I'm wearing today, as well as crystal shoestring straps and a divine 50s inspired brooch - all precious wedding gifts from Robbie. We also had earrings made for our flowers girls, nieces Daisy, Millie and Caitlin, and our many little nephews wore pink ties made by Betty from my dress fabric.

13th Wedding Anniversary 2014

I always wear the earrings, and sometimes the brooch, on our wedding anniversary, when we try to make a pilgrimage back to where we were married - a beautiful manicured park in Elizabeth Bay, overlooking Sydney harbour.

Our wedding reception took place at a favourite restaurant, Pazzo, run by Raf, the charming maître d'. Raf went out of his way to meet our every request, including squeezing a record 60 people into his restaurant, on what was a sultry summer night. 



The reason I chose to wear these earring today was because I was meeting the wonderful Trevor Mathews for lunch, who features prominently in what is one of my most favourite photos ever, taken at the Wedding reception by my dear cousin Anthony. 

Enjoying Helen's speech

Helen in full dramatic flight

The photo captures the crowd's reaction to Helen Nelson's hilarious speech about Rob and me. Alongside Lizzie, Helen was our best woman, and a very close mutual friend of Trevor and his partner Lye. As a brilliant orator who loved performing to a crowd, Helen captivated the audience, comparing mine and Rob's long-blossoming romance to Arthurian characters Guinevere and Lancelot (thankfully she didn't run with the analogy to the point where for their sins, Lancelot ends his days as a hermit and Guinevere as a nun!). Trevor is in the foreground of this photo, next to Lye, both having a great chuckle; you can see the ripple run through the crowd as everyone joins in.

   

Lye, Lizze, Trevor and John, December 2015

Trevor and Lye have been longstanding friends, attached to the golden thread emanating from Sydney University where Trevor had a career as an eminent political economist and as a highly respected Head of Department of Government. Although Trevor and I did not cross over as colleagues for long, he welcomed me warmly into the Department and gave me great intellectual and moral support throughout my PhD, and has remained a close friend ever since. Lye, a most thoughtful and gentle man, had a highly successful career in Finance before retiring around the same time as Trevor. They've settled into the ideal lifestyle for two francophones/philes, dividing their time between Paris and Sydney. It's been such a pleasure to catch up with them when I've been passing through Paris, and to see them when we can in Sydney. I love hearing Trevor and Lye's take on politics - they are two of the best read and intelligent people I know - and I always come away learning something new.

Over our lunch today, Trevor, Rob and I compared our Cancerworld war stories; we missed Lye who is in Malaysia visiting his family.

On Day 23 I've been feeling pretty average. The nausea is definitely worse this time around, and the fluid is building up under my arm again. Fortunately, I have access to breakthrough meds, and I see the lymphodema specialist on Friday. Just for fun, the injection I had this afternoon for the neutrophils is likely to give me flu-like aching symptoms for a couple of days. But the company of a dear friend, the care of my boys and my sparkly pink earrings carrying such happy memories helped kept me on track.

Day 22: Annette's Blue Crystals / Satellite 4

I felt Mum very close today during the second infusion, wearing another pair of Annette earrings made her very tangible. I have enough pairs of Mum's earring to be able to wear one for each of the six infusions. Mum gave many of these to me just before she died because they connected us in some way, either because we were together at the time she chose them, like the Annecy studs from Day 1, or because I'd given them to her as a gift. I also have a separate collection of earrings she'd given me as gifts. All of them now so precious and irreplaceable.

These blue crystals fit the second category. As I was leaving for a European conference in 2011, I'd asked Mum what she'd like me to buy her. She showed me a pretty new scarf she received as a gift and told me if I could find them, she'd love some bright blue earrings to match. I didn't think I'd have any luck, but when in doubt, head for Satellite ...where of course I hit the jackpot! Deb was with me when I purchased them. She and I were staying in the Marais in a light, bright, quirky converted stables apartment - replete with plaster flaking from the ceiling. We were with the wonderful Fiona and Georgie from Edinburgh, staying in Paris before we headed to St Gallen, Switzerland** for our conference (meeting up with many close friends and colleagues there including Jen Curtin, Jill Vickers, Carol Weissert, Alan Fenna and others). Our special friends Lizzie and Trevor and Lye were also in Paris at the time, so we had the bonus of spending time with them too, including a memorable dinner at Trevor and Lye's lovely apartment in St Germain Des Pres after an exhausting afternoon of shoe shopping. Life on the road sure can be tough sometimes!

(**Beware, although set in picture perfect Heidi country,  St G is a very strange place. It's in the Swiss Canton of the same name, which had a very dubious WW2 history, and where women didn't get the vote until 1971. Surprisingly, we discovered it has very nice salads (!), but it sits on the beer rather than wine divide in Switzerland, which means it is full of boorish, drunken men, which strips it of all its beauty).

Mum and Dad, Christmas 2011

Mum loved these earrings and wore them often, including in this gorgeous photo of her and Dad at Christmas with Paulie and Geets. While trawling through photos to find others of Mum wearing these earrings, I discovered an amazing coincidence: when Mum met the precious babies of my darling Crogan cousins - Sammi and Jodie -  in different cities a few weeks apart, she was wearing the same blue pair! (Harder to see with Hugo, but believe me!). Mum delighted in babies, and the joy they bring, and never more so with these two poppets. Baby Hugo (who belongs to Sammi & Cal) and Florence (who belongs to Jodie and Woody) were born within a month of each other, providing Suzie and Pete with their first two grandchildren and a new grandniece and nephew for Mum and Dad.

Mum with Hugo, 2013

Mum with Florence, 2013

The gorgeous Crogan Clan, 2016

Hugo has now been joined by brother Tommy, and Florence by baby Belle, all doted upon by Poppy Pete, Suzie and Uncle Benny.  How Mum would have loved these precious new additions too.









Day 22 started well. Rob and I had a brisk walk around Sydney Park, pacing up the hills to get my heart rate up before the infusion, as recommended by the exercise physiologist last week. We then drove across to the Kinghorn Centre where I had an appointment with my oncologist, Dr Rachael Dear. Rachel is a compassionate and wise doctor. She was pleased with how I managed the first round, and hopes things will remain fairly constant for the next two rounds, at least while I'm on the FEC cocktail. I'll need an additional drug to help the neutrophils recover more quickly mid cycle, which I'll have as an injection tomorrow. Apparently it can create some aches and pains in the legs and pelvis as it forces the bone marrow into action, so I'll stand by with the panadol. We also discussed options for other surgeons and radio oncologists, as I'm keen to move on from those I've been seeing for range of reasons. She was so thoughtful, professional and respectful in her response, and will refer me to others she highly respects.

At base camp of Chemoworld 

I then headed down to the clinic where I was introduced to my nurse for today, Joshi. Another highly competent and friendly oncology nurse who has worked in the area for a decade, Joshi accessed the port without a fuss, and set the infusion running, which again took about 3 hours. I passed the time by answering some of the messages of support I received from all over, and doing the quick crossword with Robbie.  We almost got it out bar two clues. I bet Dad got them! I now regret not listening more carefully to dear Helen who tried to teach me the knack of cryptics, but I suspect that my brain just doesn't work that way.

The chemo is a massive assault on the system no doubt, leaving me feel light headed and queasy, and needing to head home for a good lie down! Again, I feel so grateful for the excellent care I received today, and for Robbie's constant support. The boys have been gorgeous, so sensitive and accepting of my new almost hairless head (I left a pile of stubble on the chemo chair). I'm feeling such love and support being beamed my way. I'm a very fortunate woman.