Day 50: Tiffany 3

Day 50. It sounds like a milestone, so I've marked it as one. Technically, all going well, only another 78 to go until the 6 rounds of Chemo have run their course!

Today is important not only because I've reached this milestone, but because the 14 March marks the birthday of two important people in the golden web, my friend Helen and nephew George.

First to dear Helen, who sadly died 8 years ago, and who links me to her wonderful daughter Catherine.

Helen launching my book
with an early work of Catherine's in the background

I've mentioned Helen in earlier posts (Day 23: Pink Wedding Crystals). Helen's part of the University of Sydney golden web and is closely connected to Lizzie, Trevor and Lye, Lisa, Deb and Murray, and of course through me, to Rob (indeed, they formed a mutual admiration society of their own). We met when I joined the Government Department at University of Sydney in 1991, a short time after which she became the Head of Department during a challenging time of transition. I'd never met anyone quite like Helen before. She had a magnetic presence, a wonderful laugh, a resonant voice - in part due to her daily cigarette ration (the ash kept to clean the silver) - an irreverent sense of humour, and an incredibly clever and sharp mind. Lisa and I were reminiscing about Helen on the phone today and agreed she was never malicious, hated gossip and sentimentalism, was endlessly generous and always spoke her mind, respectfully.

From Geraldton in WA, Helen had a rare passion among Australian Political Scientists for comparative federalism; something that rubbed off on me, and led to many interesting debates between Helen and John Faulkner over dinner given Labor's long term skepticism about the federal system in the post- Whitlam era. Her academic work on Australian politics and public policy was foundational - the Mayer & Nelson reader was essential for every first year politics student. Not surprisingly given her style and personality, she captivated the class room. Sydney University now has a prize for the best honours dissertation in Helen's honour.

Although Helen was never technically my PhD supervisor, she had a huge influence on my work and guided me through the labyrinth of academic life. She edited the book manuscript to emerge from the PhD (my (mis)use of commas drove her crazy); that book went on to win an important prize in the US (watch out for the earring reward blog in future) with much thanks to Helen's critical editorial eye. Helen and I ran public service training programs together in Australian, Vietnam, Malaysia and Thailand - in the latter case we were viewed with complete distain, which she found appropriate and hilarious. On her own Helen then ventured much further to run programs in Sri Lanka and eventually to Mongolia (!).

Christmas lunch 2002, with
asparagus and aspic mousse

Helen had a commitment to lifelong learning (and doing) long before it became a phrase. In the 18 years we were close friends I knew Helen to enrol in courses in car maintenance; classical music and opera; the stock market; yoga; renaissance art; cooking; and mosaics. She took to the latter seriously, creating a masterpiece that took pride of place in her Potts Point apartment - we held a soiree to celebrate its unveiling. Helen was a regular at the SSO and Opera and she herself played the piano beautifully, including in latter years in an 8 handed-piano quartet. She followed the horses, played bridge and managed to solve the cryptic crossword everyday before breakfast.

Lizzie and Rob with
aspic appearing as jelly for Trevor's party

Preparing for Trevor's birthday
with Helen and Lye, 2000

Helen loved entertaining, always first serving a drink du jour - often involving midori, jagermeister or another exotic liquor, then a three course meal - the table was never complete without at least one dish that included aspic! She hosted birthday parties, graduation lunches, pre-wedding feats, all with great flair. Rob and I, Lizzie and John, Trevor and Lye were all regular guests at her dinner table, and were sometimes her sous chefs. Once when she had bought a new microwave she invited Rob and I over for an experimental dinner with everything cooked from the recipe book that came with purchase...with much laughter we all agreed it was...interesting! Her wonderful apartment overlooked Sydney Harbour and the Domain and she generously opened her house to friends and our families to enjoy the New Years Eve fireworks. As a result, as a young boy James christened her Helen Twinkle, which was entirely appropriate.

Helen was a great adventurer, with Cargo ship sailing her favourite mode of travel. She circumnavigated the world many times on various cargo ships, the first being one of the 'Pink Ladies' - if I remember correctly, a line owned and operated by a German woman. Helen would head off on the high seas for months at a time with her music collection - always including Sibelius and Chopin - her cigarettes, a few good bottles of red, novels and academic books and cryptic crosswords. Helen had an interest in all things German including its federal system, and in latter years held a visiting position at Bamberg University, travelling back and forward there by sea several times for long stints.

Helen's was an undoubtedly a full life, well lived; she continues to inspire me.

Catherine with Helen's beads,
Hague book launch, 2015

The thing that gave Helen the greatest pleasure in life were her children Michael, her grandchildren Sarskia and Oliver, and her daughter, Catherine. Rob and I and the boys have stayed in close contact with wonderful Catherine, and her partner Bart - such a wise, balanced and insightful man -  who live in the beautiful city of Ghent, Belgium.

Boys at Catherine's Sydney exhibition 2012

Catherine is an internationally renown artist who describes herself as a painter with a camera. Her stunning artworks have been shown in Paris and Berlin, New York and LA, in Beijing and Seoul, with one piece now hanging in Australia's Parliament House. The Washington Post recently did a fabulous profile of her work. It's been such a thrill seeing Catherine's art attract such worldwide acclaim. Helen would be so incredibly proud. We are fortunate to have two of her pieces hanging at home, both radiating such beauty.

On top of Arthur's Seat, 2013.
Me wearing Tiffany 3

Like Helen, Catherine has an infectious laugh and wonderful sense of humour. She has an artists eye, picking up on minute details, and seeing the world from unique angles. We always have such interesting conversations. I have been fortunate to catch up with Catherine and Bart in Ghent, and they with us in Florence and Edinburgh, where we climbed Arthur's seat - guided by Rob who had made it part of his regular waking path. Today I'm wearing the simple, translucent and pretty Tiffany amber studs Rob and the boys gave me for my birthday in 2012, which I was wearing that day we walked up Arthur's seat. (I'm not that obsessed that I remember this, but could tell from a larger version of this photo!).

Most recently Rob and I saw Catherine and Bart together in Amsterdam, where Catherine organised dinner for us at an amazing and unique traditional Dutch restaurant called Moeders (Mothers). Here the walls are covered of photos of mothers brought in by patrons. Rob and I took photos of Betty and Mum, which I handed over with great emotion to the owner. Their images now hang there along with Helen's. A few nights later, Catherine came to the launch of my book in the Hague, which was particularly special as I'd dedicated the book to three wise women: Helen, Mum and my school teacher Marg.

With mothers at Moeders, Nov 2015

Catherine and Bart at Moeders

Handing over the photos 

(Just as an aside I've got my heart in my mouth re the Dutch election tomorrow - the election of extreme right wing Geert Wilders would be a disaster for the Netherlands and for Europe. He promises to close mosques, close borders to refugees and pull out of the Euro. His party is currently neck and neck with the current centre ground party...argh!!!).


Now to the second important person of the day, my lovely nephew George. George is the oldest child of Cazy and Ben, the middle member of the three cousin Amigos - born between James on 5 March and Linda and Chris' son Oliver on 18 March. He's a model big brother to Gracie and Henry, a great mate to James, and an important big cousin to Angus. George loves adventure - he's a wicked scooterer (?) and skateboarder rider, and has excelled as a sailor. He's turning into a wonderful young man and I'm sending him huge birthday hugs today.  

Day 50 started with a walk in the park then some lunch and shopping in Chippendale with Robbie. A quiet afternoon was then in order. My energy is running pretty low, the coconut oil not quite keeping pace with the mouth ulcers and my nails are starting to sting. One never knows from day to day the new joys the chemo can bring! A chat with Lisa this afternoon was a great distraction, as was this long missal and thinking about fun times with the wonderful Nelson women. 

Day 49: Maddies silver circles

Coast Trek 1, March 2015

It was a treat to see my dear friend Maddie today (Day 21). We've been trying to catch up for weeks but as I'm finding with this regime, the days don't always work out as planned! We had a walk around Sydney Park which was lovely, though it was less vigorous than what we're used to.






In the past two years, Maddie, Lindsey, Cazy and I formed team 'Jura Girls' and took part in the Fred Hollows Foundation 55km Sydney Coast Trek to raise money to cure blindness throughout the world. For us, training for the walk was as important as the trek itself; it gave us four busy women time to properly catch up, get fit and explore parts of Sydney's magnificent coastline we'd never seen before. Trekking or training, we always made sure we had lots of home-baked treats along the way; as Cazy says, we're probably the only team that consumed more calories than we expended on those walks!








Speaking of home made treats - OMG - Maddie arrived today with a freshly baked ginger shortbread slice! Maddie is an amazing cook, but doesn't herself have a sweet tooth, so I don't think she appreciates just how ambrosian this slice is. It's the perfect combination for me right now. Lindy was fortunate to arrive just in time for morning tea!

Now for my pitch: The Hollows Foundation is a fantastic charity - ranked as one of Australia's best in terms of bang for your buck - where cataract surgery for $25 will give someone back their sight.  Coast Trek is happening again this Friday, and even though we're not walking this time round, it is possible to make a generic donation here to support this great cause.

Importantly, while I'm on the subject of donations, Cazy has alerted us to the plight of a beautiful 7 year old girl Carys, who is in my nephew's class. Carys has an inoperable brain tumour and her family is fundraising to be able to take her to the UK to participate in a new treatment trial. They have raised $250,000 of the the $350,000 they need in just 12 days, but time's running out to get the additional funds. You can read about her case and if you can, make a donation here.


Day 49 and I'm wearing another pair of earrings Maddie gave me as a birthday gift about 5 years ago - not that she remembered! It so funny when the purchaser, in this case Maddie, compliments you on your earrings completely forgetting they bought them for you! Cazy, Lindy and Maddie have all done this now. I love that they unconciously stand by their selection, but their forgetfulness intrigues me... You can't forget giving or receiving a pair of earrings.... can you?... or just perhaps I've taken this earring obsession a bit too far...

Jessie and Molly

I'm on an upswing, thank goodness. Tiredness and background queasiness remain, but I'm feeling much better than the past few low days. Seeing Maddie and Lindy was a highlight, as was watching these two dog friends, Molly and (Maddie's dog) Jessie skittle around the house having such fun playing together. Until Miss Molly came along I never really understood the simple joys that dogs bring.

Day 48: Lindy's Coffee Crystals

UNE days with ciggie and
stonewash denim c. 1987

Sometime back in the late 1980s when my sister Lindy (Day 15) was studying in Bathurst she returned to Armidale for a visit and bought me these coffee coloured crystal earrings. It seems incredible to think that they're now about 30 years old and that I've been carrying them around with me all that time. I haven't worn them for ages, but I distinctly remember wearing them often during my undergrad university days at UNE.

Armidale Show c. 1969, Lindy in stroller

Lindy's always been such a thoughtful and generous sister - it may have something to do with her being stuck in the middle of the five of us, or more likely, because she takes after Mum. I remember she always returned from school camps or holidays with gifts for all the family, often without having bought anything for herself. She came from Newcastle to visit me today and as usual came with a care package including a gorgeous soft tracksuit that I'll live in around the house now the weather is turning cooler.


Day 48 and, as I'd hoped, I'm starting to turn the corner. I've have rediscovered words again with the dissipation of the painful lymph nodes and headache.  I'm swishing the coconut oil like crazy to try and keep the mouth ulcers at bay. A trip to Newtown with Lindy for some sushi at lunchtime, a rest and an afternoon walk with Robbie and Molly, and lots of lovely messages from near and far filled the day. Another week begins.

Day 47: Lisa's pearl clusters

 I remember once Pauline telling me that when you feel low, wear pearls and it'll make you feel better, which is one reason why I reached for another pair of pearls today. These earrings are a pretty cluster of white and silver seed pearls given to me by Lisa (Day 10: Pink Pearls), my lovely friend and earring sista, as a birthday present about six years ago. The second reason I'm wearing this particular pair is as a reminder of Lisa's concern friendship which are very present to me right now- stretching across the miles from Adelaide - even if we aren't able to see, or lately even speak, to each other as regularly as we'd like.

Day 47 is another pretty low day. Again I was able to get out for a walk this morning with Rob and Molly which was a treat, especially as we ran into two of our special neighbourhood friends - Bern and Bec -  en route. But this effort was about my limit, and I needed to come back home to rest for a couple of hours and fight off a headache and sore lymph nodes. Angus and I did some baking this afternoon - ginger nut and coconut biscuits & fruit crumble (this will have to stop!) - followed by frustrating hour or so with the jigsaw puzzle. The jigsaw seems like a metaphor today - I've made so much progress but also feel like I'm stuck; there's still a long way to go, and it's only patience and endurance that will get me there. I'm hoping for a breakthrough on both fronts in the next day or two!

Day 46: Graduation Pearls

The original genome project

When I graduated with my PhD in 1998, my gorgeous family brought me a set of pearl earrings and a pink pearl ring. I wear them both often, and they have a very special place in my jewellery collection. Big sister Ree selected them from Jason Moss, a jeweller in Darlinghurst. I frequently walk past his shop  - usually heading off to St Vincent's clinic for one check up or another - and always think about these earrings and how spoilt I've been by my family. I love this photo of the 5 Chappell women after the graduation ceremony, taken in the Sydney University Quad in front of the famous Jacaranda tree (which sadly collapsed last year). I remember at the time Jennifer Westacott called us the original genome project, and based on this shot I see she may have a point!

I selected these earrings today as I was heading out for a morning walk at Centennial Park with my dear friend Jen Fleming. I met Jen around the time I graduated - she was linked into the golden web via Lizzie and then connected me to friends Bretty, Anthony and Jason. Over the years we've spent many happy hours together at dinners, parties and away on holidays but try as I might, I can't find a single photo of us together, but lots of nice ones of her and Rob.

Rob and Jen 2002

Jen and Jeff, 2015

I'm a great admirer Jen's openness to life and taking on new challenges. Not content with being one of the best radio producers in the business - currently producing James Valentine on ABC 702 - she is also an accomplished radio presenter and has become a blockbuster author with a series of books, starting with the Spotless series, on to body posture with the Feel Good Body and now with an exciting new book on nutrition and eating well about to be published. It sounds like it will be the perfect handbook for me once I've finished this toxic regime.

Looking absolutely stunning, it was a happy day for all her family and friends when Jen married the lovely Jeff at a beautiful ceremony and reception at Watson's Bay in 2015.

Jen's a wonderful, wise and steadfast friend, and it was a tonic to see her today.

Aside from my enjoyable morning walk with Jen and a good visit to the lymphedema specialist, Day 46 was another rather ordinary day. I'm feel I'm in a state of toxic overload which I'm sure will lift over the next few days. A quiet night at home with James while Angus and Rob are out having fun with their mates is the perfect place to be.

Day 45: Art Nouveau glass drops

These are a pretty pair of french-made earrings, given to me by Robbie and the boys for Mother's day about 10 years ago. They are inspired by an Art Nouveau design and made of a lilac and green glass studded with small crystals. I love the way the colours reflect the change of the light. This delicate pair of earrings is needed today, to suit my delicate state.

It's Day 45 and not unexpectedly I'm feeling very average. Now I'm getting into the swing of these cycles, I know these first four or five days are the low point while I'm metabolizing the chemo and the white blood cell booster. For some reason the steroids really seem to be kicking in this time, disrupting my sleep and making me feel very hot and puffy on top of the nausea and achy joints - no fun! I had a very quiet day, starting with a morning walk and some fresh air with Robbie and Molly dog this morning. I was grateful for Angus having a fun playdate with his mate Cohen, thanks to Kathryn and Jonathan, followed by another one to look forward to tomorrow night; a lovely dinner cooked by Robbie; and making good progress on the jigsaw, sans Molly's help!

Day 44: IWD special - Daisy's boots

Happy International Women's Day to all my wonderful women family and friends out there, and to all the great men who support and respect us! To celebrate I'm wearing the fabulous pair of boot earrings designed by my niece Daisy that she gave me when she visited a week ago - weaving one generation to the next. To me they encapsulate exactly the right balance of fun, femininity and feistiness needed for IWD!

IWD is always an important day to reflect all the groundbreaking gains that have been made, and the work that still needs to be done, to achieve gender equality. In the current global political climate, it's an issue that seems more important than ever. If I've learnt anything in all my years studying this area it is that: gender transformations are possible; that they will arrive first in local spaces, in small, incremental and fragile steps; and that their entrenchment will require constant vigilance from dedicated activists.

I think Eleanor Roosevelt put this view the best (although the gendered language jars!):

“Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home - so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighborhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm, or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman, and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world.”

Nanna with Dad, son #2 with her roses

Today is also significant for our family because it's the first anniversary of the death of my dear paternal grandmother - Nanna Chappell. Nanna died aged 98, after living a full, family-focussed life. It seemed appropriate that she died on IWD after making such a contribution to the world, not least by giving birth to 10 children - 8 boys and two girls (amazingly having babies 6 and 7 in the same year!). She left a legacy of 26 grandchildren and on my rough count, 45 great-grandchildren, but I could be a little behind. 

Cazy, Nanna and me, 2015

Nanna worked hard all her life taking care of her children, including always contributing to the family income through garment piece work, laundry work, and catering; backbreaking tasks given this was all done without the appliances we take for granted today. For many years, she took charge of the kitchen at the presbytery of the Armidale Catholic Cathedral, supporting at that time the local Bishop, whom she adored and would brook no criticism of (perhaps the less said about him the better!), and a large number of parish priests (ditto!). The presbytery was adjacent to our school, and as kids we'd pop in to visit her on our way to class to enjoy an extra serve of breakfast. After her shift Nanna would then return home for the second shift of preparing family meals for 10-12, often with fresh produce from her garden. 

Great Nanna Chap Chap
with James and baby Angus, 2006

Nanna had an incredibly strong constitution - after Pop died, she lived independently until the last two years of her life, and aside from childbirth, didn't go to hospital until her 90s, and only then minor for procedures. Nanna was an avid crossword puzzler, cricket fan, gardner, and was always interested goings on in the world. She had a sweet tooth - her lolly jar was never far from reach and a honey pot for generations of great/grandchildren. She is sadly missed. (Alongside Daisy's earrings, today I'm wearing the brooch Nanna left me: not big on earrings, Nanna did collect enough brooches to leave to one to all her granddaughters, given to us by Aunty Meg, Nanna's 10th child, on the day of her funeral). 

Day 44: I'm hot and puffy thanks to the steroids and feeling a weird mix of tiredness and buzziness because of the drug combination. The queasiness is manageable but constantly lurking in the background. Back to the Kinghorn for my white blood cell injection, but otherwise a restful day, indulging in watching a midday film with Robbie, snoozing, and tapping in on a conference call for Nat's final PhD review - almost there Nat!