Day 43: Mum's Swarovski studs

Infusion #3 and it was very comforting to be wearing another pair of Mum's earrings. This time it is the Swarovski set I bought for her in Chicago in 2012 as a birthday gift from Cazy, Paulie and me. I was in Windy City for a Mid-Western political science conference where my good friend Georgina Waylen and I gave a joint paper and where I caught up with wonderful US-based colleagues including Karen Beckwith, Laurel Weldon and Elisabeth Friedman among others. Georgina, Elisabeth and I then went on to Laurel's fabulous workshop at Purdue on 'intractable problems', including challenges protecting women's rights, that she hosted with her great colleagues. The amazing, but sadly now departed, Elinor Ostrom the first woman to win the Nobel Prize for Economics, was the keynote speaker.  Despite being very ill, Elinor gave a brilliant lecture.

Adored Nanny

Cutie pie Gracie, Mum and Me

On my return, Cazy and I presented these to Mum at a birthday lunch at our house. Mum loved them and put them on straight away.

Mum gave these back to me when she was in hospice just before she died, along with the others she associated with me. Fortunately, like me, she had many pairs; enough to distribute among 4 daughters, a daughter in law, her 3 sisters and close friends!

Murray and Me, ASSA dinner,
Old Parliament House, Canberra 2016

The golden web weaved by this pair links me from Mum, via Deb, to another very special person in my life - Murray Goot - who Deb introduced me to in 1992. Murray is a Distinguished Professor (now Emeritus) at Macquarie University, and has worked across many fields of political science - voting and electoral studies, media, Indigenous and women's rights among others - all with great distinction. I wore this set when I was with Murray last year at a very important marker of my working life - my induction into the Academy of Social Sciences in Australia. It was such a lovely night. I was honoured to join Murray as an ASSA Fellow along with many close colleagues including Deb, Lisa Hill, Marian Sawer, Carol Johnson and Jacqui True. 

UNSW Academy celebration, 2016

Murray sponsored my Academy nomination, just as he has so generously mentored and supported me throughout my career. Without his guidance, including his sharp and constructively critical eye, I would never have enjoyed the research opportunities that have come my way. I've learnt many things from Murray, including how not to flinch from a fair and careful critique, but to embrace it and to use it as tool to improve my work. It's something I've adopted as a practice in my responses to my students and colleagues work, hopefully in an equally constructive way. But its not only Murray's fierce intellect that I've benefited from, but his loyal friendship and kindness which he's shown me in so many ways. I'm lucky indeed to have Murray in my life! 

Today happens to be Murray's birthday so it's doubly appropriate, and deliberate, that I'm wearing these earrings. I understand he's in Canberra at a conference with the trail blazing Elizabeth Reid on "How the Personal became the Political: Re-assessing Australia's Revolutions in Gender and Sexuality in the 1970s". I wish I was there to hear their insightful papers, but will read them instead. I hope he had a happy day.

#3 with Mum's sparkles and Cazy's scarf

Day 43 has required a bit of self-talk and grit. Having felt so well and on top of things the last week or so, it's been hard getting my head around having to come back to Chemoworld base camp again to be assaulted by these toxic chemicals. Robbie has had to put up with my being emotionally wobbly the last day or so, and has been an enormous help in getting me back to equilibrium. Just having him sit by me as the infusion takes place is such a comfort. It'd be very tough doing this alone. As I've said earlier, this is as much as psychological challenge as a physical one.

Wundernurse Darrin was back in charge today and have everything running like clockwork. We compared notes about rude and polite Doctors - I'm on a winner with appropriately named Dr Dear. As the infusion dripped away I worked on the blog - it's such a great distraction-  and Rob and I almost completed the crossword. Home for a rest and to fight of the queasiness and lots of loving care from Rob and the boys. Half way through now.

Day 42: Chris' Owls

Back to the Kinghorn Centre at St Vincent's today for pre-infusion check-ups. To deal with the start of this next round, I chose a new pair of earrings, my second pair of owls, given to me by my gorgeous brother-in-law Chris Kelleher. These sweet, delicate silver birds, with blue eyes, are much more demure than the gregarious pink owls Gracie gave me (Day 27); before long, I'll have my own parliament, filled with all sorts of owl personalities! I was so touched when Chris visited from Newcastle recently to give them to me, thoughtfully finding a way to combine two of my obsessions.

Chris is a true gentle man, in every sense. He is a very generous and kind brother-in-law. He is also an amazingly committed Dad and husband:  God knows how many football and cricket matches he's patiently attended to support his three sporty boys - Hughie the champion AFL player, Charlie the Rugby legend, and Ollie a true Chappell cricketer (the ones we're not related to!). And god knows Chris has great patience surrounded by so many sisters, sisters-in-law, and all the women coming and going from his house as Lindy goes from strength to strength building her women-orientated Intimo business! Chris and his family have had to face their own cancer tragedy, with the death of his beautiful Mum Marg from a brain tumour when she was far too young; he's been a quiet tower of strength and wisdom to us as we dealt with Mum's illness, and now mine.

The Kelleher 5, Sptember 2016

Celebrating Chrispy Retro sports style

On a happier note, Chris loves a party, has a fabulous cellar and makes and keeps friends for life - perhaps those things are linked somehow! We celebrated his 50th last year with a retro sports party -  with the Kelleher's parading as members of a very tall Aussie cricket team. I'm so grateful having Chris as a member of our family.

Day 42 was a return to the bald face of Cancerworld. Blood tests this morning followed by a visit to the exercise physiologist (I should increase my hand weights from 1 - 2kgs - whoop! - and keep up the walking, especially fast-paced on Chemo day, and expect to put on rather than lose weight during breast cancer treatment - are you kidding me!! On top of everything else!!!). Next was an appointment with Dr Rachel and her registrar Sarah. My bloods are back to normal, so it's full steam ahead with infusion #3 tomorrow, the last of the 'Red Devil' FEC. They were interested/impressed by the coconut oil success. Round 4 will be an entirely different drug, with entirely different side effects, less nausea apparently, but lots of everything else - and more steroids...but as Rachel says, one step at a time...don't think ahead...get through this one first...

In between these appointments, I suggested to Rob we make a 'dash' - famous last words- to the so-called My Gov 'one stop'  shop in Darlinghurst that combines Centrelink and Medicare and every other government social service, to deal with a medicare issue. One hour later, we were called to see a 'consultant'. With my ethnography hat on, my wish is to send the Minister for Social Services undercover into one of these Centres, al la one of those TV shows where businesses owners disguise themselves and experience the workplace from the perspective of their staff and customers. I'd love to see how he'd like to spend up to two hours waiting  - the average for the social security 'clients' - before being treated in a rude and hostile manner by staff who are bored and depressed (no doubt with good reason!). Being poor or without a job = no dignity in our society. After that visit, I'm feeling especially grateful for my lot in life, having the resources to deal with the challenges that come our way- and so frustrated it can't be like that for everyone.
Speaking of frustration, it's back to the jigsaw puzzle which Molly had another attempt at sorting out on the weekend!

Day 41: (Good luck) Silver Seed pearls

I'm not a very superstitious person, but these silver seed pearl earrings have become my talisman. I have chosen to wear them for the birth of the boys, whenever I've had surgery, and I always wear them when I fly!  (I also stay awake when I fly too, to keep the plane in the air of course - it's punishing on a long haul flight to the UK.  I'm working on addressing my magical thinking!).

James aka Mr Incredible welcoming Angus; me with silver seed peals.

I designated these as my lucky charm soon after I bought them when on a flight the sleeper to which the pearl was attached opened and the pearl fell off. Miraculously, I not only noticed that the pearl was missing but found it among the detritus wedged between the seats! As soon as I could, I bought a more secure pair of sleepers to attach them to; they have been my security blanket ever since.

What makes them extra special is that I bought them in 1999 when I was staying with Pauline and John in their lovely Notting Hill flat. I found them in a small shop on Portobello Road, which is located just around the corner. It must have been July as I remember also buying Cazy a similar pair with a red bead, to take home for her birthday.

J&I 5/3/03

Happy J with Octopus

I chose them today for the obvious reason that I was wearing them 14 years ago to the day, when James was born - one of the most momentous days of Rob's and my life. After three long days in labour, it made me indescribably happy to give birth to a healthy boy. James was a good baby - once we worked out how to feed him properly (with some sound advice from big sister Ree!)- and has always been such an easy going, cheerful, chatty boy.

It thrills me to bits watching James emerge as a young man with a great sense of humour, compassion for others and diverse and quirky interests. The quirkiness was well on display this morning when he woke us up by letting off a cracker full of metallic blue confetti all over our bed - quite a surprise to say the least!! 🎉  😬😬😬

Opening Nanna Betty's card

Angus w. James in new raincoat with pasta maker

James was showered with messages, gifts and appropriately funny cards - thanks to you all! Angus gave him a pasta maker, so with Mel's help we're hoping to expand his repertoire in the cooking stakes.

James @3 with pirate-cowboy cake

J&G with Rob's successful incredibles cake

James @8 with Nanny's rainbow cake

As is obvious, James loves a good birthday celebration and has had many fun parties. Both he and Angus have made it clear that they wish I was a more talented cake decorator - more like my Aunty Meg or friend Lisa. His 3 year old pirate cake looked more like a cowboy, others were a complete disaster. When I can, I've contracted the job out to Rob or Mum - who made a mean rainbow cake, where mine looks like mud!

All about women

On Day 41 in amongst James-mas, I got to enjoy a belated celebration of my own. As my birthday gift, Andy generously purchased tickets for us to attend the 'All about women' festival held at the Opera House. First up we heard Actor Geena Davis give a really funny and energising speech about her work in changing women's representation in film. Her point about learning - in her case through engaging in sport-  to have the confidence to embrace the space she takes up in the world really struck home (and made me think of Nat and KK). We then listened to Janine di Giovanni discuss her life as a war correspondent in Syria among many other places. She was also great, albeit with Geraldine Doogue as moderator being more on the grating side! These two events, followed by a delicious lunch, were such a special treat. I wished I had the energy to see more of the events offer, curated by the wonderful Ann Mossop (who I used to work with at Usyd), but as most talks will be available as web/podcasts, I can download the rest.  Rob's delicious roast lamb dinner, and my nectarine toffee birthday cake - one of my better efforts - topped off a lovely day. How spoilt am I!

Day 40: Pink Crystals 3

As the days go by and I dig deeper into my jewellery box, I realise just how many pairs of pink crystal earrings I own! Mum sent me this pair as a birthday present one of the years we were at Pauline's in France for Christmas. They have tiny pink and white seed pearls with pink and clear crystals. They have no particular link to today, except that they made me feel close to Mum, and matched my mood.



Day 40 - they are starting to add up, thank goodness - was a relatively quiet day. A morning walk with Rob and Molly, an appointment for Angus at our kind dentist and lovely visits from the Thompsons and Lizzie made up the day. I'm tired and have been fighting off a headache all day, but am otherwise well.

Dumpling feast

J& G @14

This evening we went out for a James-mas eve dinner at his favourite dumpling restaurant with his closest cousin George - who will also turn 14  in 11 days time. It's wonderful seeing these boys developing into gorgeous young men.





The restaurant, just across from UTS, gave us a birds-eye view of the fabulous building designed by Andy Durbach's brother, one of Australia's leading architects.

Neil's building at UTS

Happy family

Family time feels extra special tonight the my three gorgeous boys.

Day 39: Green mirror studs

The golden web weaves its magic through these earrings, a pair of rough-cut square green mirror studs. I bought them in 2013 while in Bordeaux at a conference. Bordeaux is a stunning city with its wide boulevards, elegant stone buildings and public art. I'm looking forward to a return visit with Rob and the boys sometime soon.

Fiona and Georgie Miroir d’Eau reflecting pool, Bordeaux, Sept, 2013

I was in Bordeaux with Fiona and Georgie to attend a European Political Science conference. We'd travelled across from Edinburgh together on Easy Jet, where we were literally treated like cattle, replete with holding pens in the airport hangar! We stayed in a lovely B&B in an interesting part of town, with a great earring shop around the corner. It was full of quirky jewellery and homewares in bright popping colours - Suzie Crogan would have loved it.

It was through Fiona that I met the wonderful Vivien Lowndes, now based at Birmingham University in the UK. I'd known of Vivien's excellent work, but hadn't met her when in 2009 Fiona suggested we invite her to a workshop Fiona, Georgina Waylen and I were organising in Sydney the following year. Vivien was an important contributor at that workshop, her insights helping us to clarify the direction of the research agenda we were hammering out. As it turned out, the intellectual stimulation of the workshop, and hosting Vivien and other great colleagues from overseas - Mary Katzenstein, Karen Beckwith, Laurel Weldon and others - couldn't have come at a better time for me; it was a welcome distraction during a hiatus between three rounds of surgery after this damn breast cancer was first detected.

After Vivien's IPPA Lecture, 2015

Since 2010, Vivien and I have had the opportunity to catch up at conferences and workshops in the UK. In 2015, Deb Brennan and I applied to bring her back to Sydney as a Distinguished Professor for a month. At UNSW, Vivien gave fabulous master classes to students, a public lecture and one-on-one advice to PhD students; her book on institutionalism has become a bible for me and many of my students. While she was here Vivien was also subjected to some wild Sydney weather, with an East Coast low threatening to blow her Coogee apartment into the sea!

It was wonderful having the opportunity to develop a close bond with Vivien while she was at UNSW. We realised we have many common challenges, including balancing our work and family lives while also managing health issues; as Vivien says, we're kindred spirits. Vivien willingness, especially in the last few months, to share experiences of her treatment have been incredibly generous and comforting. Yesterday Vivien sent me this photo from a writing retreat she's at in the Maldon Hills - it looks idyllic - I want to go!


I was wearing these earrings the day Deb and I took Vivien out for a farewell lunch at the Boathouse, Blackwattle Bay - which shows how a golden thread runs through them from Fiona and Georgie, across to Vivien and to Deb - how special!

It also makes sense to be wearing these today as Deb and Mel invited us over to dinner, to welcome brother Paul, Geeta and Jai, to their neighbourhood. Last night Angus made the ice cream - one mango, one choc mint - in the ice cream maker Deb and Mel gave the boys for Christmas. We had such a special time in Deb and Mel's gorgeous new house, and enjoying the 'new normal' having Paul and Geets in town and connecting with these precious friends.

Day 39 and I'm feeling good. A lovely cup of tea and catch up with neighbour Katie helped fill in the morning, in between phone meetings. I'm trying not to focus on what's to come next week but concentrating on these next fews days without any nausea or discomfort, and enjoying James-mas, of course.

Day 38: (Very special) Onyx 3

I have some very special pairs of earrings, but as should be clear by now, I don't always consider them so because they are they are made of precious materials. However, some combine both specialness and preciousness. These divine drops were a gift for my 40th birthday from a group of special friends - the Nosh gang and Linz and Chris - and are made of precious materials, onyx and diamonds. My oldest friend Maddie sought them out and everyone contributed knowing that for my birthday Rob bought me a stunning onyx and diamond ring. They match beautifully. I adore them, but usually save them up for special occasions.

My frustration today is for the life of my I can't find the photos of Maddie actually presenting these to me at my 40th party. It was a great night, held in the back garden of the house we were renting in Leichhardt. Rob had a birthday cake made for me which the colour and shape of a Tiffany's box! I've know come across those photos in recent weeks while trawling through my images, but they seem to have evaporated - damn you iphoto! I was also disappointed that the reason for me wearing them - plans to catch up with Maddie and Linz this evening - had to be postponed, in part because of a major assignment and computer malfunction at Maddie's end, and tiredness at mine. But I did have the joy of wearing them outside of a special occasion, and I've decided I must do it more often.

The earring brigade Jan, 2007

Linz the beautiful bride et moi!

The earrings had their first outing at Linz and Chris wedding, which took place about a month after my 40th birthday. I do have photos from that day, including me with the blushing bride, and with Cazy and Maddie - all three were wearing some pretty gorgeous earrings themselves that day!

Day 38 was full of appointments, including medicos and our accountant. A bit late, but the tax is now in for the last financial year - phew! I'm finding I get a bit manic in the third week of the cycle, trying to complete as much as I can while I feel good, knowing I'm going to be largely out of action next week. It's a big weekend coming up with James-mas now in full swing!

Day 37: Vancouver blue crystals

James, Vancouver 2005

In my SFU Office

In 2005 - a decade after I'd spent time in Toronto and Ottawa researching my PhD - we returned to Canada for me to take up a Visiting Professorship at Simon Fraser University, Vancouver for the winter term. We lived in Coquitlum - deep in suburbia - which was an interesting contrast for us, coming from our pad in inner-city Potts Point.

James and the Coquitlam gang

Those five months were such a happy time. Most days I headed up snow-capped Burnaby Mountain to the SFU campus  - its modernist architecture was the set for X-files. James went to the most wonderful home-based childcare across the road, at Betsy's house.  James was such a happy, chatty and adaptable two year old. He loved his friends at Betsy's but most of all he loved Betsy, with her soft Irish brogue; the feeling was mutual.

When he wasn't taking care of James and the domestics, Rob escaped to the nearby mountains to ski. A very tough gig!

Rob working hard at Whistler

Jill Vickers at SFU conference

At SFU I taught a class on women's rights, started in earnest on my work on the ICC, and ran a conference on feminist engagement with the state which enabled me to bring Professor Jill Vickers, my Ottawa-based Canadian mentor, across to the West Coast. A leading Canadian feminist scholar, Jill 'adopted' me in 1995 when I was a 'green' PhD student trawling the archives in Ottawa, and welcomed me to her home when I was feeling very lonely. She and I have maintained our connection ever since, including collaborations on gender and federalism. Another highlight of being at SFU was meeting my now very close friend and colleague Georgina Waylen who there at the same time on sabbatical from the UK. Georgina and I continue to skype regularly and work closely together. I was meant to be in Manchester next month for a major conference organised by Georgina, with Jill in attendance, but I can't travel. Boo! It's a big disappointment.

I vaguely remembered having done an interview with the SFU news while I was there , and looked it up this morning.  I was quoted saying:

Like most feminists, Chappell is troubled by the emergence of numerous trends in recent years that could threaten the advancement of women's human rights, both domestically and internationally.  

“I see the biggest threats coming from fundamentalism, whatever its character,” she says, “because it shuts down conversations about women's rights by emphasizing cultural, religious or state rights. But I think women in all societies are resisting attempts to keep them locked into traditional roles.

How's that for (depressing) accuracy!

James contemplating life, Hawaii 2005

Lou and Jacqui and our boys, Waikiki Beach 2005

A brief sojourn from Vancouver to Hawaii to attend a conference allowed us to escape the cold. There I met up with my close colleague Jacqui True, now Melbourne-based - who I'd met in Canada back in 1995 when she was also doing her PhD in Toronto. At the Hawaii conference we were both juggling our young kids and presentations - always a stretch - but helped this time by having Rob on hand!

James and Rob at Granville Island Markets

Often on weekends we'd drive our big red car (we were in a full-blown Wiggles phase!) into Vancouver's Granville Island markets and headed straight for the sockeye salmon stall to buy our fix of 'indian candy'. Delicious! 

The markets sold everything, including some lovely jewellery. We bought Betsy a farewell gift of a necklace from there, and while I was at it I picked up these simple dainty blue earrings. When I wear them I think of Betsy and feel so grateful for the care she gave James at that time.

James giving Betsy her necklace

One of the reasons I'm wearing these earrings today is because according to James it is the official start of "James-mas"- a festival of his birth that stretches from today til his actual birthday on Sunday, 5 March! He and Angus have decided we should now all have festivals - Robs-giving, Ang-easter, Lo-boxing Day, and even Molly-mitzvah! But knowing James, a classic first-born, none of these will be as important or long as his festival.

While we were in Vancouver we had a visit from our friend Anthony, and then from Mum and Dad. We left Vancouver with them to continue on with our adventures in Europe...to Annecy for earring shopping via Amsterdam!

Uncle Ant and Me, SFU

Mum and Dad, Stanley Park, Vancouver

Day 37 has been extremely quiet. I was very tired after my two days out and about so have been working from bed and being waited on hand and foot by Nurse RR, as our dear friend Martyn has christened Rob. A perfect place to be on a unsettled rainy day. A lovely chat with Rose in Melbourne this evening capped off a lovely day.