Day 14: Cazy's Silver rings 1

Embracing the pink! 

"Look good, feel better"! That's the name of the workshop I went to this morning at the Kinghorn Cancer Centre with my darling sister Cazy as my sidekick. The workshop is essentially a makeup session along with tips about wearing wigs and how to tie headscarves. I remember Mum telling me about her attending a similar workshop when she was having chemo in Armidale, and reading about it in an article on former QLD Premier Anna Bligh's 'cancer journey' in a tatty edition of Women's Weekly the doctor's surgery.

I'm a cynic about these sorts of things; my feminist radar is highly attuned to social situations that reinforce stereotypes about women including that we all must/want to look feminine, that makeup is what makes us beautiful, etc. In Cancerworld, another female stereotype abounds: that hairlessness on some parts of our body is essential, but baldness on a female head is an aberration. This focus on baldness has been one of the things that has stood out for me in recent weeks. The doctors, breast cancer support nurses, and certainly at the workshop today, great attention has been paid to coping with, and ultimately hiding, a hairless scalp. The techniques we were shown emphasised how to tie a scarf so that it would look like you still had hair underneath (all the while my inner voice was shouting "who are we kidding here? Why do we need to pretend we're not bald?"). Darrin and I, the chemo nurse from Day 1, had chatted about this problem. He agreed that the baldness issue attracted far too much attention and wondered, like me, why us patients get more flyers about wig shops than essential nutritional information.

(Footnote: What about men undergoing cancer treatment - where's their look good, feel better kit and opportunity to meet others going through a shitty time? A prize is on offer for the best name/products for a equivalent men's kit -  An Aussie, 'Feel like shit, but still kicking arse?' Paul Chappell will you take up the challenge? Email me if it's too hard to comment below, people tell me it's tricky).

But putting aside my cynical-self, it was actually a good morning (and we received a nice show bag to boot - all products donated by cosmetic companies). Although the makeup was far too over the top for my less is more approach, I did learn some great tips about how to fake eyelashes and eyebrows, which I will miss when they fall out. I could also see how this would be an important session for many women whose identity is more tied up with their femininity than mine, and who feel puffy, ruddy, and drained, thanks the the toxic cocktails we're on.


One of the best things of the morning was meeting other patients. For Cazy and me it was a revelation to meet two young women in their 30's undergoing similar treatment to mine, both for breast cancer. N had an 8 year old daughter, E had a 5 year old daughter just starting school plus 1 year old twins! As she explained with a great sense of humour, the pitiful looks she received from well-meaning strangers when she's pushing the double pram with a bald head beats hands down anything we'll ever get!  Her story gets even more complicated, and I won't go into it here, but it was a reminder that no matter how bad you think you've got it, someone always has it much much worse. Not that that's any comfort, but it is a wake up call. We went for coffee afterwards as we had so much to learn from each other - a spontaneous and no doubt short-lived support group - but one that I found very comforting. It made me so grateful for a million things, including that I don't have tiny children to take care of while undergoing this treatment (and that we have air-conditioning in some parts of our house!).

I was also so grateful that Cazy was with me. I am very close to all my siblings, but because Cazy and I have lived in Sydney together for the past decade or more, we've been able to lean on each other and have a tight bond. I'm very conscious that the leaning has definitely been much more in one direction that the other. Cazy has been my rock: through my first cancer surgery, through my busy work schedule - especially taking care of the boys during school holidays which infuriatingly coincides with conferences or teaching - and now, once again, through the recent surgery and this ongoing treatment. Never making a fuss, Cazy always delivers essential support for mind and body in the most calm, gracious and loving way. I honestly don't know how I'd get through life without my wonderful little sister. I also don't know how she manages to be so generous given her already full and busy life. Gratitude! 

On Day 14 I'm wearing the lovely matte silver ring earrings Cazy sent to me about 5 years ago as a birthday gift when were celebrating Christmas in France, at Pauline and John's - another two in the golden web. When she saw them today, she said, "they're nice, where did you get that pair?" She's obviously got good taste. Haha!