Day 217: 25/25 Radiocity with Mum's pearl necklace

Finally, after two rounds of surgery, 6 chemo infusions and 25 radiotherapy sessions the treatment schedule is D O N E!  ...(aside, that is, from the next 10 years (!) of hormone therapy, which starts next Monday).



It was with a mixed sense of relief and anticipation I headed off with Robbie for the final radio session this morning. They were running behind schedule so we had to wait awhile for my turn, but I didn't mind, especially knowing this will be my last visit. All the staff were lovely, and very encouraging about me feeling much better soon, and sending me off with their good wishes. Rob took the last opportunity to come in to see the process at work and to snap a few photos.

After we'd finished at the clinic Robbie and I went into the city for a celebratory lunch. The restaurant we wanted to go to wasn't open today  - doh! - but we managed to find somewhere nice to eat before doing some shopping. I'm on the lookout for some end of treatment earrings but nothing I saw seemed quite right today. I may have to wait for my trip to Melbourne at the end of next month.

Rowena the radio oncologist had told me that I will 'spring into spring' and so it seemed today with the finishing touches being made to the stunning flower arrangements in David Jones, and the lovely warm weather.

 

I then came home to receive these gorgeous roses from Paulie and Geeta, which means our house also now smells like spring. How lucky am I!

I also received in the mail another wonderful pair of red earrings from my dear colleague Beth, which she picked up on her last trip home to South Africa. The beading is so delicate.

Again today like many days in the past months I felt incredibly overwhelmed by the loving care I've received from everyone in the golden web  - my wonderful family, generous and thoughtful friends and colleagues and incredible medical team, including the great technicians at St Vincent's Radiotherapy Clinic. More the anything, I was grateful for Robbie and the boys who have been my protectors and primary carers who have jollied me along and showered me with acts of love every day. I'll be forever grateful.

As has been common across these 217 days I was missing Mum so much today. There are so many conversations I've had with her in my head throughout this process, and so often I've heard one of her many phrases ringing in my ears. "All will be well" is echoing tonight. It's almost three years since she died, a long time not to have heard her voice. This makes images even more precious. This photo of her looking so happy at Balmoral in late July 2014 just before she became really ill is one of the most precious. As is the one, taken just a month later, of her holding her 13th grandchild - baby Jai. Jai turns three tomorrow. He is a beautiful boys who carries on Mum's spirit in a very special way. Happy birthday sweet boy.



Today I was wearing the gold bracelet Mum left me, the pearl earrings she's wearing in the photo with Jai and her pearl necklace which was a favourite of hers. She felt very close.

So after this very marathon I'm going to take a break and sign off for the time being. I'm planning on having a holiday for the next 6 weeks or so to recuperate and prepare for relaunch in October, fresh, bright and just like new. All will be well!

Day 216: 24/25 Radiocity with new moon

We were back in action as usual this morning at Radiocity. I was feeling very flat heading in there - itchy and flaring red skin, more poking and prodding. I'm thoroughly sick of it, but also feeling a bit trepidatious about leaving the treatment bubble tomorrow after such a long time under its cover. Rowena warned me that this feeling would come crashing in at the end - it's unavoidable in her view. I just need to ride with it and go easy after such a long time of structuring my life around almost daily appointments of one kind or another. The really hard work starts now to get things in perspective and not to live my life in fear of recurrence.

After treatment I dropped Robbie to meet a former colleague and took myself off to 'Bills' to catch up with darling Deb before she heads off to the US at the end of the week. We had a lovely late breakfast and a great time catching up on news and making plans for summer, which will be here before we know it. Generous as ever, she and Mel bought me a stunning plum coloured silk shirt to celebrate the end of my treatment. I love it and can't wait to wear it soon. It comes from a beautiful boutique in Bermagui that I'm looking forward to revisiting when we head back down their in summer.

Robbie made us a delicious dinner tonight, and we caught up on some back to back episodes of 'The Good Fight' which we think is a bit cheesy, but perfect viewing right now. I also had a skype call with a lovely young woman in the Hague who has read my book and wanted to interview me about my views on prosecuting sexual violence at the ICC. It's encouraging to see the book being read and used by those interested in the area.

Today I was wearing a new necklace - a gold moon - that came as a bonus gift in a touch of online shopping I did last week!

I'm trying to ignore the madness emanating from the PRK - eyes closed and fingers in my ears LA LA LA!

Day 215: 23/25 Radiocity with Pauline's neckalce

Today things got a bit messed up at Radiocity. The machine went down early in the morning so I was rescheduled for the afternoon. I still headed out for an early morning walk with Robbie and Molly then ran an secret father's day errand for James before coming home to do some work until the radiographer called me in at 12.30pm. It was a freezing day by Sydney standards so I was quite cold when I turned up at the clinic for treatment. The place is cold anyway, to keep the machine cool, so it was an especially uncomfortable procedure today. I was relieved at least that I was another session down, with only 2 more to go. Phew!

I got home and fell straight into bed, feeling exhausted after another session and my busy weekend. My short nap ended up becoming a rather long sleep, but then I woke to have nice chats with Rose in Melbourne and Nat here in Sydney about the closing chapter of her thesis. Later this afternoon I visited lovely neighbour Helen, who is also a JP and was willing to sign a stat dec for me so I can avoid the red light ticket Rob incurred, thereby saving precious points on my license! I'd not seen Helen for months so it was nice to catch up on all her news.

Today I was wearing a cheer-me-on necklace - the one featured earlier given to me as birthday gift by Pauline at one of our magical Lasalle christmases. It always makes me feel happy to wear this one.

Day 213-14: Radiocity with charm necklace

Saturday was a lovely day. A long lay in was much appreciated after such a busy week, then a walk in the sunshine with the family. In the afternoon we headed across to the SCG to watch an epic game of AFL: Sydney v Carlton.  It was a perfect late winter Sydney afternoon. There was excitement half way through when Carlton quickly caught Sydney, but then the Swans fought back to trounce the Blues. Buddy Franklin was incredible in the last half scoring ten goals - individually equaling Carlton's final score. The crowd was on its feet. It was one of those moments when sport really made sense to me. I enjoyed it so much, and also got so much joy from looking at how much happiness it brought to all my boys!





Sunday started early for Robbie and the boys with the regular swimming lesson, then a walk for us and Miss Molly. This afternoon Robbie and I were invited to Andy's birthday lunch at a great restaurant called FOLONOMO - for love not money - owned by some seriously good chefs who run a not for profit restaurant and donate all the profits to various charities. We had a wonderful time chatting with Andy's wide array of friends and celebrating our unique and wonderful friend.

A quiet night tonight with a sykpe with Fiona in Edinburgh topped off a lovely weekend. I'm exhausted but feeling happy I've been able to get out and about so much better, despite the aches and stiffness...the last week of a very long marathon starts now...

I've been wearing a chain Robbie and the boys bought me for my 40th birthday and a charm which has two adults and children holding hands which the boys bought my for my last birthday. They usually buy me a new charm every year - I don't wear them often but treasure them as I know they take so much time deliberating over their choices.

Day 211-12: 21-22 Radiocity Kerrie's glass beads and Victoria Spring 2

It's been a busy, happy but tiring couple of days, and we were left without internet yesterday, so here again is a summary of a few days in one.

Thursday radiotherapy session went smoothly. I saw Dr Rowena who checked my skin reaction, which shes very happy with. My chest is very red and itchy - just as she wanted to ensure any cancer microcells are destroyed.  theres no broken skin yet, which were both happy with and hope it holds up for the next couple of weeks when things will get worse before they get better.

Afterwards Rob and I headed for Newtown to buy some wool as I've been really enjoying the crocheting Maddie taught me. I had discovered a wool shop up there that carries a beautiful range of wool blends. I'm now crocheting Angus a scarf and will work on one for myself next. This shop also gives lessons, so I might follow up on that and move on to something more interesting next! We headed from there to see Blake my hairdresser who have me another trim to keep the 'wooliness' under control. Feeling hungry - especially Rob who had been on a 3 day fast (!!!!) -  we then drove a little further up the road to Enmore and had a fabulous lunch at Madam Chow's. We are surrounded by fabulous Chinese restaurants now, and it's a perfect cuisine while my tastebuds are still a little off.

After all this running about I headed home for an afternoon rest before going to the National Women in Construction Awards night to hear Natalie's give the keynote address. Last year Nat scooped the pool winning two industry scholarships and this year she was invited back to speak about her research. She was, of course, fabulous - she spoke frankly to the room of 1000 people from the industry about the difficulty of women in the industry but also encouraged companies to develop and implement good policies in the area. She looked absolutely gorgeous too! Her fabulous earrings were replicas of the Opera House. This photo is her with the owner of the business who supports the scholarship.

The awards were held at The Star Casino - I'd not been there for many years and found it as garish and depressing as ever. Outside the ballroom where everyone was 'dressed to the nines' as Mum would say, there seemed to be so many lost souls wandering about. Gambling on this level is a wicked, pernicious and corrosive thing.

Friday I was up early for an early treatment which all went well. ONLY 3 TO GO!! I made it back home in time to join Robbie in taking Angus to a specialist appointment. Afterwards, I took Angus for a milkshake before dropping him back to school. He's such a sweet boy with such a clever, quick wit. I love having one-on-one time with him. This afternoon I caught up on some phonecalls with lovely Lisa in Adelaide and Lindy and Ree. We had a quite and early night on Friday night. I started a new book - Euphoria - a fictional account of Margaret Mead's life - I'm hooked already.

Thursday I was wearing these pretty beads Kerrie and Mark gave me as a birthday gift last year. Yesterday I wore a necklace Dad gave me many years ago. Never understanding the point or value of jewellry, it was completely taken by surprise on Christmas about 15 years ago when we presented me with this delicate necklace.

Day 210: 20/25 Radiocity with Victoria Spring necklace

This morning followed the regular pattern: walk, Radiocity, home. It all went smoothly enough, although there was a bit of fussing in the middle of my scan when they realised I wasn't positioned quite perfectly enough so they stopped the procedure, came and moved me about - me trying to lie passively while they push me about to get me in alignment. I'm very red and very itchy - it's getting worse by the day, but at least there's now only 5 more treatments to go - yipee!

At lunchtime I drove across to campus to meet with Steph, Andy and Di and others to discuss transition plans for the new Institute. There's so much to be done, but so exciting at the same time. Steph took this lovely photo of Andy showing off her new birthday earrings.

On my drive home I had a lovely chat with dear Deb, and then arrived home to Robbie preparing dinner. I'm a lucky person!


Today I was wearing the Victoria Spring necklace Robbie bought me when we first got together and I wrote about on Day 116.

Day 209: 19/25 Radiocity with Vancouver circles

Today was another early start. I shifted my appointment to an early morning session so I could meet up with Andy for a walk and brunch to celebrate her birthday. Radiocity was right on time so I managed to make it across to Centennial Park right on time to meet the birthday girl. We made our way around the park in glorious sunshine and back to the cafe where we enjoyed a delicious brunch. It was lovely to spend time with Andy on her special day.





I came home for a couple of hours and tinkered with some work. Today I received the exciting news that my book on the International Criminal Court will be awarded the Carole Pateman prize for the best book in Gender and Politics at this years Australian Political Science Association. Carole is an leading political philosopher based at UCLA, formerly at Sydney, so it's a great honour. I was planning to go Melbourne to attend the conference in September, so this will make it a memorable trip.

After this good news I skipped down (almost) to see Aiofe to have my nails done. Finally I'm starting to lose lots of nails so she did what she could to keep them in shape and make them presentable.

I'm tired and itchy tonight. My skin is getting much worse, but only 6 more to go now.

Today I'm wearing a long necklace that I bought in 2004 during a brief visit to Vancouver. We were there for me to attend a conference and for us to check out the city before moving there for 6 months in 2005. It's been in the bottom draw for awhile, so it was good to give it an outing today.

Day 208: 18/25 Radiocity with Gracies owl necklace

Robbie and I had an early start today with a visit to Radiocity before 9am. We had to squeeze this in earlier than usual before a visit to Cancerworld to see Rachel. In between we had time for a coffee in Darlo. Radiocity was straightforward and my visit to Rachel was as informative as usual. She's such a sensitive doctor and good communicator. She assured me that my aches and pains were a result of being thrown into menopause and the trick will be to keep moving as much as possible. These side effects may get worse with the next stage of treatment  -blocking - the fourth stage following cutting, burning and poisoning. This next stage is likely to take ten years (!), and the aim of the game is to block all the oestrogen in my system, with all the associated fun that will bring. But I'm always grateful that I have a hormone driven cancer which will be unable to grown once its food supply is cut off for good.

As we were leaving the Kinghorn we bumped into Trevor, himself on the way back from having blood tests. We make a good pair with all our medical interventions!

As usual, by the time we got home from the treatment I was feeling wiped out. After a chat with Steph working on Institute plans - thank goodness she's so on the ball - I fell into bed for a quick nap and ended up sleeping for a couple of hours.

Some work late afternoon, an evening working with Angus on his homework, and it's another day down.

Today I'm wearing a sweet owl necklace given to me by gorgeous niece Gracie a couple of years ago. She's such a thoughtful girl!

Day 205-7: 17/25 Radiotherapy ++ and necklaces

I've been feeling pretty tired since Friday, hence my silence. Friday's radiotherapy session went well, following a port flush and blood tests at the Kinghorn. I'm pleased the port is still working well as I want to keep it in place until my final(fingers crossed) surgery in 6 months time. After the treatments Robbie and I headed to Paddington for a nice lunch then I came home and collapsed into bed for the afternoon; I was absolutely exhausted. I was sorry to feel so tired though as it meant that I missed catching up with lovely neighbour Katie and an evening with Deb and Mel.

On Friday night we headed out early for some fabulous Chinese food at a new restaurant in Enmore. It's a very modest place but has the most sensational noodles and dumplings. We were in and out within 40 minutes, but it was great food and a good way to celebrate James meeting his target in his recent exams.

Saturday started early for me with an overdue trip across to see Orsi, my lymphodema specialist. She had to work carefully given my skin has become very sensitive but treated my arm as best she could, then gave me a great neck and shoulder massage which I needed given the pressure on these parts of my body from the radio treatment where I have to hold my arms above my head in a contorted move every day. Again after coming home to do some cooking, I fell into bed for the afternoon.

Last night Robbie and I went across to Lizzie and John's for a lovely dinner. It was a relaxed night with close friends - including, Deb and Mel, Trevor and Lye, Maryann. Poor Kate and Betty were ill so we missed catching up with them. This flu has been laying everyone low. Lizzie cooked a delicious meal, and Robbie and I brought dessert - Rob made his tart tartine and I made another basque cheesecake!

Sunday has been a really quiet and relaxing day. I lay in and watched the Insiders while the boys went swimming. I'm not missing the early morning rise, but I am missing swimming so much. Another 8 weeks or so and I can get back in the pool, which will be wonderful, and my turn back on the swimming roster, which I actually enjoy.

Robbie and I then took Miss Molly for her walk and I came back and spent a few hours cleaning out some cupboards - along over due task.  I enjoyed soaking in the bath this afternoon - it seemed to help my skin, sooth my aches and pains and my sore nails which have been really playing up these past few days. I've lost four toenails and a thumbnail lately, which is very annoying, though thankfully less painful than I expected.

I've started this book that Anna gave me last week and am loving it!
An evening with the boys watching TV ended a lovely weekend.



On Friday I was wearing a necklace I brought in Paris when I was there with Mum and Dad, Rob and baby James back in 2005. I don't wear it often, but realised how much I still like it when I pulled it out last week,






On Saturday it was the amazing pink paper strands that Deb bought me back from NYC last month. The colours are so gorgeous and it's so light and wonderful to wear. I'm so very spoilt!

Day 204: 16/25 Radiotherapy with Mum's pendant

This morning followed the usual pattern - an early walk and trip to Radiocity. On arrival I saw Dr Rowena who thought I was looking very well for this stage of the treatment. I was complaining about feeling like a 90 year old with so many aches and pains and stiffness but she assured me this was very usual; it's not a side effect of the radiotherapy but a residual effect of the chemo. "This is not your new normal" Rowena told me; music to my ears. My skin is starting to react, right on cue, but Rowena thinks it should hold up OK. I'm itchy, itchy, itchy!

After our coffee, Robbie and I drove home for an afternoon of jobs for Rob and work for me, which included hooking up with two of my PhD students, Sophie in Melbourne and Emily in Arusha.

We spent a quite night tonight, trying to digest the latest racist antics of our political class - Trump, Bannon, Hanson et al - I feel like I've got whiplash.

I'm wearing the chain and pendant Meg sent me during my Chemo treatment which includes a picture of Mum and me. I'm really missing Mum today and this helped me feel very close to her.

Day 203: 15/25 Radiocity with silver strand necklace 2

15 sessions down at Radiocity today. This schedule seems to be taking for ever, so now being able to countdown from 10 is a relief. I noticed over the last day or so lots of redness starting to appear across the treated area of my right chest; it's to be expected but has come later that I thought it would - which I guess is a good thing. I'm hoping the late appearance means it doesn't get too bad.

I'm feeling especially tired today. I think it's because I had a very unsettled night last night with lots of aches and pains. It feels a bit like the aches I was having on the chemo. Of course I panicked in the middle of the night thinking it was some new form of cancer, but with sunrise and a return of my senses, I consulted Dr Google and seems its a very common experience to have these delayed reactions. I'm due to see Dr Rachel on Monday next week so will get further confirmation from her.

After our early morning walk and my visit to Radiocity with Robbie - followed again by a coffee and croissant (!) - I had a chat with Steph about setting up the new Institute and reading some of Sophie's excellent PhD.  I then collapsed into bed for the afternoon for a catch up sleep.

I also had a chat with dear Cazy who has fallen victim to a very nasty flu along with her entire tribe. She sounds so unwell, poor darling.

I was keen to rest up to restore my energy for this evening's farewell for Andy from her position as Director of the AHRCentre. Andy's been such an amazing human rights advocate in this role and has covered so many aspects of it in her own work - from using the law as a tool for human rights, reparations for the stolen generation, women and victims of conflict-related sexual violence, drawing attention to sexual violence on campus, and working on poverty and health and the protection of cultural heritage rights. It was a wonderful evening, and a demonstration of how far her influence stretches across the university and the human rights community. She gave a wonderful speech.

Di, who helps Andy run the centre bought beautiful gifts including a gorgeous bowl which turns out to be a piece made by our dear friend Brett. What a lovely link between them. The shop assistant selling the piece explained it was made by one of Australia's leading ceramicists! And so he is!

Dear Di also bought me a gift - a book called Euphoria, about anthropologist Margaret Mead. I can't wait to read it. She wrapped it in the most appropriate paper with lovely birds, including a pink owl!

Today I was wearing another long silver stand necklace, again bought in the US. It went well with the silk shirt I wore tonight, and with a pair of Andy's earrings I wore for the occasion.

Day 202: 14/25 Radiocity with silver strand necklace.

I started the day with my morning constitutional walk with Robbie and Molly during a light rain shower; we could do with much more of that rain, especially with all the recent bushfire burn-off smoke smothering the city.

We made it across to Radiocity in perfect time for my scheduled appointment, but they were running at least a half an hour late again today so we needn't have rushed. After my treatment Robbie and I had time for coffee at a nice cafe/bakery nearby. I've been craving croissants and found out they make a very good one at this bakery, so it might become part of the routine for the next couple of weeks.

I had planned to come home and rest as I was feeling really tired, but got distracted by work and kept going all day and managed to get a few things off my desk. I'm feeling sleepy tonight, and had a relaxing evening in front of TV with a sweet companion.














Today I was wearing a necklace purchased in San Francisco a few years ago. Honestly, it's a bit of a pain to wear as it gets constantly tangled, but I thought it looked nice when I bought it!

Day 201: 13/25 Radiocity with Deb's neckpiece

Today's Radiocity session tipped me over the half way radiotherapy point - hooray! Robbie took me over, reminding me how much easier it is when he's at my side. Today was a busy morning at Radiocitywith all sorts of people lining up for treatment - an old man lying in his hospital bed, a young woman, I guess in her early twenties, sitting beside me, and an older woman with a shocking cough, ready to enter after me. As I've said before, this experience constantly reminds me how random cancer is, and how lucky we are to have access to this treatment.

Once I was finished at the clinic Robbie dropped me into the city where I had an hour to do a spot of shopping in DJ's - something I've not done for ages. I'm on the hunt for a 'black tie' outfit so I'm dressed appropriately when Nat gives the annual address to a 1000 people at the National Australian Women in Construction convention in two weeks time. I found some shoes today, so I guess I'm starting from the bottom up!

Afterwards I headed for the Art Gallery where I spent a wonderful afternoon with two of the dearest people in the Golden Web - Deb and Anna- a gorgeous mother/daughter duo. We we're celebrating Anna's birthday and enjoyed a delicious lunch at Chiswick Restaurant inside the gallery. We shared small plates of delectable morsels - burrata cheese, smoked salmon, kingfish sashimi, roasted pork belly with quince, ...and really special desserts, washed down with a perfectly matched Aix Rose. My taste buds are definitely coming back, and it's such a pleasure to be able to enjoy a glass of wine. For me, sharing good food with friends = happiness!

We had a hilarious time trying to take our selfies!

Even though the occasion was meant to be all about Anna, it was me who was the most spoilt with a gorgeous array of gifts from Anna who had been collecting them over the months when we've not had the chance to see each other. She picked up on every one of my interests: a stunning pair of leaf earrings representing new life, connecting me to Mum and signifying the different steps on my journey; the book The Museum of Modern Love, which I've been waiting to read and in fact bought as a gift for Bretty last week; the cutest Owl keyring which doubles as a mirror; a ruby red velvet turban, which feels divine and I still need as my head gets so cold at night; and the most fabulous scarf dotted with Molly Dog lookalikes! I was so touched by her incredible thoughtfulness and generosity.

I loved the card she gave me too...

Today I was wearing a wonderful neckpiece Deb bought me as a gift about 5 years ago as a thank you gift for organising her birthday party. It was my pleasure to do it, so I didn't need any thanks, but I love this piece and wear it often, always thinking of my special friend!

I came home to find Robbie hard at work cleaning out the kitchen cupboards. What can't this man do! I'm so grateful.

A quiet night in and the yummy delicious celeriac soup for dinner topped off my adventurous, happy day.