Day 129: Lizzie's Amethyst and Pearl

Today's earrings are another new pair from darling Lizzie. They are the prettiest combination of pearls and amethyst on long hooks. I enjoyed wearing them today under my turban - I think they're going to look even better when I get some hair back. On that note, the stubble seems to be thickening up and I'm getting better coverage, so I hope it's not too far off that I have a new 'do'.

It was cool and windy this morning, but I warmed up after a nice walk around the park with Rob and Molly (who has been better behaved these last two days!). It's still a struggle to walk, but I'm trying to add a few more steps every day in the hope it gets the fluid moving. I'm only at about half of the recommended daily 10K steps, but I hopefully these will build up quickly over the next few weeks as the swelling subsides and I get my energy back.

Back to Chemoworld this morning  - this time from some more imaging - before the radiotherapy is due to start next week. I find it stressful going back to St V imaging centre where this palaver all began. I've spent so much time and money at that place since 2009, and sweated over so many results. I should be used to it by now and more relaxed about it all, but anxiety is a very powerful emotion and hard to shut down all the time.

Rob and I came home and caught up on the gripping two part Four Corner's episode on the Lindt cafe siege. The ineptitude of the police command in the case seems almost incomprehensible. The dismissal of his sexual violence crimes beggars belief. We're lucky to have such great investigative institutions like the coroner, and the ABC to get underneath these tragic errors of judgement and hopefully, stop them from happening again.

It was lovely today to see dear Andy and the model boat named in her honour featured in the SMH. Such an amazing story!

Day 128: Vicky and David Pearl Drops

I'm on a V&D roll. Today I'm wearing another pair of birthday earrings from them, this time from about five years ago. What I really love about this pair is the way the pearl drop moves - again, just like in one of those movies about the wives of Henry the VIII or some other period piece.

I call these my 'Princess Diana' pair, replete with a bow stud supporting the pearl. Without a hint of embarrassment I'm proud to say in the early days I was a Diana fan, especially around 1982 when she was in her ruffle shirt phase; the only evidence I can find of my attempt to 'get the look' is in this photo, of me with my good school friend Sue Mitchell, at a party when we were in Year 10.  Maddie and Philip (Day 99) were both there. The party was on the top floor of the Railway Hotel, owned by parents of one of our school friends who supplied free alcohol. I seem to be drinking a Bacardi and coke, or then again, it could have been Malibu: and to think, in those days we didn't even know everything coconut was good for us!  I bought the shirt at Arpel in Armidale. I did have another ruffled white shirt, very much like the one Diana is wearing here, though mine did up on the diagonal. I wore them without any sense of irony.

















I enjoyed visiting the Princess Diana memorial Hyde Park, London with fellow Diana tragic, dear Scottish friend Byran Kane on a warm and sunny back in 2013.  

On Day 128 it's been another pretty quiet day, with me still feeling bloated and slow. My walk was particularly tough this morning. I had to sit down when I got to the top of the hill. Our dear sweet little dog continued on without me, but later realised I was left behind, so came racing back up the hill to keep me company - I was very moved. Before getting our Molly I really didn't recognise the true comfort pets can bring.

I've had another work afternoon and made some good progress on the overdue paper. A lovely family dinner cooked by Rob with the boys was a highlight. I'm making progress on the puzzle, and am back to it tonight.

Day 127: Vicky and David's Jet Drops (2)

I'm wearing a lovely pair of earrings today given to me about three years ago as a birthday gift from Vicky and David. These are a day late: I saw V&D yesterday but as it was Mum's birthday I was wearing her earrings. These are long jet drops in an art deco style. I don't usually wear them in the day as they are so fancy (they were glistening under my cap when I went walking this morning), but they work wonderfully in the evening.

I woke feeling 'relatively' clear headed this morning. To put it in Scottish speak, my internal weather has gone from 'dreich' (wet, dull, gloomy, dismal, dreary or any combination of these. Scottish weather at its most miserable) to a 'haar' - (a mist that rolls in from the East). Unfortunately, I'm still completely waterlogged which makes walking uncomfortable. I almost didn't make it up the hill at the park this morning. It seems ridiculous and is frustrating. I can't wait for the feeling to lift but I think it's going to be a slow process. I've bought all the natural diuretics I could see at the supermarket today - watermelon, garlic, parsley, celery. I'm seeing my lymphodema therapist on Friday. Together, I  hope they work!

After our walk, where Miss Molly misbehaved very badly by refusing to come back, Rob and I did a quick dash (or waddle in my case) to the shops to look at some long needed furniture. I then worked for the afternoon on my paper. I made some progress and I'm really hoping to have it finished by the end of the week. 

Today is 'officially' the end of the last chemo cycle. I feel much weaker than I did at the same point in previous cycles, but boy am I happy that I don't have to front up to Cancerworld tomorrow morning for another toxic shock. I'm looking forward now to gradually climbing out of the pit, growing my hair, and getting my saliva and taste buds back! I have no idea what my internal organs have been suffering, but it will be especially good for them to have a chance to recover too. 

Thanks to those who have sent encouraging messages to keep blogging. I'll keep up daily blogs til the earrings are done, then move to weekly updates with the necklaces! 

Day 126: Mum's Victoria Spring

I saved one last pair of Mum's earrings to wear today to mark her birthday. She would have been 74 today. These are a pair of Victoria Spring studs we bought her as a birthday gift in the early 1990s. I distinctly remember going to the Oxford Street store to buy them, then travelling to Armidale to be with Mum on her special day. She always made such a fuss of our birthdays it was lovely to do the same with her when we could. I'm missing her terribly today, as I know are Dad my siblings and her sisters.





As I've noted before, peonies were Mum's favourite flowers and since Mum died have become an important symbol linking us to her. They have a short season -  late October /early November - so it was remarkable to see last night the stunning big peony blooms Geeta was able to buy this weekend, and to see Mum's sister Suzie post on FB today pictures of her local florist's window full of peonies.






I realise that this blog has turned into something of a elegy for Mum. It wasn't my intention, but writing about her often through the earrings she gave me has kept her very close. I now see the gift of these earrings as having even more significance than I could have imagined. They've bought me a sense of strength and protection when I've needed it most, and lots joy reflecting on being raised and cared for by such a loving and generous mother. Her energy was remarkable - no wonder she looks as thin as a rake on our trip to Cairns in 1975 - and her love of life and her family was her gift.





I've enjoyed trawling through the photos and reminiscing about special times with Mum, including our wonderful trip to Italy and France together in 1992 - her first trip to Europe- where we caught up with Cazy in Avignon before heading to Paris. This photo was taken in Paris after a big day of shopping and before we headed out for a lovely dinner near Bastille. It's a golden shot of Mum in every sense.










On Day 126 I woke with a little more energy than I have for awhile, though the swelling and puffiness is worse than ever. I'm the epitome of Michelin woman. It's a very weird feeling carrying around so much fluid. We had a lovely distraction this morning with a visit from dear friends Vicky and David for morning tea. It was great to catch up on all their news. Robbie and I kept on with a clean up of Angus' room this afternoon and made some headway. I hope a late afternoon walk with Robbie and Molly will help get the fluid moving.

I've only got a couple more days to go with the blog, my earring collection is almost done...I will miss writing my daily dispatch. I'm thinking of writing a weekly update to until the end of the treatment to help me stay in touch with so many wonderful family members and friends who are scattered across the country and the world. I do have a few neckalces...

Day 125: Satellite 8

I'm wearing my final pair of Satellite earrings today - a pair of clear crystal hooks that I bought at the same time as those worn on Day 3. I was drawn to their size and shape and the way they refracted the light.  I've enjoyed giving my entire Satellite collection an outing over the past four months. I'd never before counted how many pairs I've bought (or been given as gifts from Robbie and the boys) from this shop over the years, but now realise I've been a very loyal customer indeed!

It's been a lovely day today. I enjoyed a morning lie in with breakfast in bed delivered by Rob in after another restless night. I then had a walk in the sunshine with Robbie, Angus and Molly. My legs are swollen from fluid and are incredibly stiff - as if I've run a marathon (of course I know how this must feel!) - so it's great to get out and move, even though I'm going at snails pace and slow the others down. I came home and had an afternoon working through streaming eyes on a long overdue paper, before wandering down for my regular nail treatment with my friendly beautician.

Tonight we headed over to Geeta and Paulie's place for dinner with Dad and Margie. They had come down to celebrate Paul's birthday today but Paul has unexpectedly had to travel to Darwin to film his latest advertisement so we celebrated in his absence. Geeta cooked us a delicious roast dinner and cake and Paul was at least able to skype in so we could sing him happy birthday and for Jai to blow out the candles on his Dad's behalf.

I love my baby brother - as I noted on Day 63 - he's such a generous and kind son, brother (in-law), husband, father and friend. I'm looking forward to celebrating properly with him next weekend. I love these photos of he and I at Mum's 70th four years ago, and of all of us sisters in our scratchy dresses with him after his christening in 1974.






















It was lovely catching up with Dad and Margie tonight. They are both seem so well and happy together, which makes me happy too. Dad had fun with Angus giving him his Poppy handshake, and trying out the nasty Trump version. 

Day 124: Nicole's Scandi Design Earrings

My dear colleague Nicole George from the University of Queensland sent me these earrings about two weeks ago. Nicole is currently on sabbatical in Lund, Sweden and she decided, rightly so, that I was missing some scandi design in my collection. These are a perfect antidote - layered silver petals with a shiny black centre. They are Danish in origin, but bought by Nicole in a shop in Malmo in Sweden. I think they're really beautiful and have loved wearing them today.

Nicole does such interesting and important work on the gendered politics of conflict and peacebuilding. She focuses on the Pacific Island region, a hugely under-researched area to which she brings her sharp insights and analysis. I always learn so much reading her work and love connecting with her in person. I'm hoping to see her again soon, wearing this lovely new pair.

I had a rough night last night - thanks to too much thinking on my part and too much tossing and turning on Angus', who had asked to sleep with me given Rob was away. I love having him close, just like when he was a baby, but boy is he a restless sleeper! James and Molly jumped in and joined us at 6am, so we were up and engaging with the world bright and early. I walked Angus up to school for his 7.45am coding lesson and took Molly to the local park on the way home for my exercise for the day.

I caught up on sleep with a nap this afternoon, then did some work, which is a great distraction from my fatigue, heavy legs and mouth with distorted tastebuds - today it tastes like I've been nibbling on a cake of soap! Rob left Armidale at dawn, so he was back home before lunch time, lamingtons in hand! It's wonderful having him home.

Day 123: Satellite 7

We waved Lindy goodbye this morning, so grateful for all her help and good cheer over the past three day.  I then ventured further than I have for awhile, down to the Sydney Writer's Festival on the Harbour. It was a stunning, sparkling Sydney day, so much so I decided to walk around from Circular Quay around to the Wharf theatres, even though my legs are as heavy as lead. As I ambled along I was acutely conscious of how beautiful this city is and how fortunate I am to live here.


When we booked our day at the festival, Maddie, Cazy, Lindsey and I all thought we'd be well placed to get together for a relaxing day out; the reality was quite different with me still struggling for energy, and the others with unexpectedly busy schedules, sick children, jet lag and all the rest that life brings. As a result we didn't get to all the events we booked for, but I did enjoy the three sessions I made it to, despite some pretty average interlocutors. The nicest part of the day was seeing my dear friends, and welcoming Linz's Mum, Arlene, back to Sydney for another visit.






On Day 123 I'm wearing another pair of Satellite earrings - my second last pair! I love the combination of colours and materials in this pretty fancy pair. I've had them for at least 10 years. I have a photo of me wearing them while I was pregnant with Angus when a group of us including Robbie, Vicky, David and Bill took Maddie to Blackheath in the Blue Mountains for her 40th birthday.

Robbie has reported in and it sounds like he's had a great day in Armidale celebrating his dear Aunty Beryl's 90th Birthday. She baked her own cake - of course. You can see what I'm up against in the sponge-making stakes - if I could channel her baking skills I'd have a very happy husband! We're looking forward to see him home safe and sound tomorrow - hopefully with a container of Aunty Beryl's lamingtons!

Day 122: Andy's Indian Yellow Stone Drops

Today I'm wearing the second pair of 'celebrating the end of chemo' earrings Andy delivered to me a couple of weeks ago. These are such a wonderful addition to the collection - I have nothing else like them. They are Indian, with a detailed silver cone which encases as lovely smooth yellow stone. I've really enjoyed wearing them today.

Surprisingly, after a rough night - including been woken by an amazing storm at 4am - I felt a little more like myself this morning. I am a little less tired and a little less foggy than I've been for a couple weeks, which is a huge relief. I was beginning to feel I was stuck in groundhog day forever. It's come just in time as I've got tickets with Cazy, Lindsey and Maddie to the Sydney Writers Festival tomorrow and I was worried I wouldn't make it. Now I think I can manage a couple of sessions at least.


Day 122 started with a lovely walk with Lindy and Molly at Sydney park, except for the fact that Miss M decided to roll in something disgusting which required a long bath on our return home. The rest of the day I spent working, including a good skypervision with Nat, all of which I found distracting and enjoyable, despite the watering eyes. (I'm aware everything come with a qualification at the moment!).


Lindy continues to be an amazing support, taking such good care the boys and me while Rob is away. Tonight's Lindy special - Jamie Oliver meatloaf - was an absolute hit! I'm enjoying watching her have a red wine - my turn one day soon. We'll miss her when she goes home tomorrow and counting down the days til Robbie is home..

Today Lindy and I have been reflecting on the Manchester bombing tragedy. As parents of teenagers it seems especially poignant. It's horrendous and infuriating thinking about those innocent lives in the name of an extreme ideology. Having spent quite a bit of time in Manchester it also feels very close. I was relieved to know my friends their and their teenage daughters who are in that cohort are safe.

Day 121: (Mum's) Satellite 6

Today's earrings are a sister pair to those of Day 16. Where as those were silver, with a black pearl,  on a hook, these are gold, with a white pearl, on a stud. I bought them at Satellite in Paris at the same time - the first pair for me, the second for Mum. She loved them and wore them often. I chose them today as I knew as I would be spending precious time with two of my siblings - Lindy and Cazy. Lindy's taking care of me while Robbie is away, and Cazy came over to join us for lunch. She arrived with bright bouquet to bring some sunshine to my day.

We had such a lovely time catching up, and had a delicious lunch around the corner at Bread and Circus. We reminisced a lot about Mum and felt her very close. Coincidently, Dad called while we were all together. We missed Paulie, preparing for his next trip to the Northern Territory tomorrow, and Ree who headed to the US today for 2 months.










Robbie left at the crack of dawn this morning to head to Armidale. He's with his Mum and his brother Jeff who is suffering through a chemo regime just like me. I'm missing him already.  Lindy and my day started taking Miss Molly for her morning walk around Sydney Park in the gorgeous warm weather, we end the day with Lindy's wonderful wonton soup. She's making the boys laugh and I'm feeling very spoilt. On Day 121, I'm still feeling wiped out. The aches and stabbing are subsiding but the tiredness is endless...turning the corner any day now...

Day 120: Andy's Small Silver Oval Hoops

Today I've had a number of work meetings via skype, which have been a good distraction. It started with a call with Andy, Emily and Sarah, so I thought it appropriate I wear a pair of the new earrings Andy gave me the other week to mark the end of the chemo. These are another pair of hoops, but much smaller and more solid than yesterdays. They are simple and perfectly formed;
They have a lovely, neat opening mechanism, one that Andy thought her brother, the renowned architect Neil Durbach, would be quite taken with. I can see these will become a feature of my everyday collection.

It was great to tick of some work commitments in these meetings today - progressing a co-edited journal edition, joining in Kavitha's successful PhD review, and a meeting to discuss developments with
the new Institute. However, altogether together they wore me out! It just shows what little stamina I have at the moment. I can't wait to have some energy back.

I had a lovely morning walk with Robbie and Molly.  Sister Lindy arrived this afternoon to keep my company for the next couple of days. She and the other girl in our house a great friends, which is lucky as Molly like me will need a distraction while Rob is away -we'll miss him!

Day 119: Silver hoops

Everyone needs some simple hoops in their collection. I know friends who have lots of these, and always look fabulous wearing them - Suzie, Pauline and Lisa are cases in point. Mine today are an old pair that haven't had a outing for a very long time because until recently one lonesome earring was sitting at the bottom of the jewellery box missing its companion. It would have been a victim of the next cull until the other week our cleaner Chris, who actually moves the furniture around to vacuum(!), found the missing earring under my bedside drawers: Gratitude! I'm wondering now whether this is a lesson never to throw a single earring away? (see Day 2).

These earrings bought me happy memories today. I wore these earrings the night of my PhD party back in October 1998. I was so relieved to have finished that dissertation, and following Mum's advice to celebrate every milestone, I organised a party at the 'O' Bar in Surry Hills. It was great fun, with lots of dancing and some fun speeches, from Paul, Mum and Pete Crogan (we were all heckled, if I remember rightly, by one of my drunk colleagues, an internationally famous political philosopher!). Many of my friends and relatives mentioned in this blog were there. Dad is the usual speechmaker in our family, but this time I asked Mum to say a few words; she made a great speech except for her highlighting the fact that I've had very chubby arms since I was born...she was right of course but it's something I've tried to hide throughout my life. This photo captures the moment before the mortification!

On day 119 (I almost typed 199 - it feels like it!) I've still been feeling wiped out. Tiredness, some residual stabbing pains and my mouth are the worst of it. I spent the morning in bed watching the Insiders and doing some work. Molly took particular interest in Nat's thesis - she wouldn't leave my side and even took to laying on the keyboard. She's such a funny dog!

I managed to join Rob and Angus for a walk around the park this morning in the gorgeous sunshine. I've been watching Rob cook, clean, shop, run the boys around without being able to do much to help...I'm so incredibly grateful. He's heading to Armidale on Tuesday to celebrate his Aunty Beryl's 90th birthday; fortunately Lindy's coming to help me out.

Having an afternoon rest meant I missed a visit from darling Vicky and David. They bought Rob a tea cup commemorating the opening of Parliament House in 1927 - Fabulous! This evening I had a belated skype with Fiona and Georgie in Edinburgh - we've managed to get frequent flyer tickets to get over to see them next Easter. Hooray! I'm making progress with the new puzzle. It's gorgeous.

Day 118: Lizzie's Infinity Pearls

Today has been another delicate day so I reached for a delicate pair of earrings darling Lizze (Day 13) bought me a few weeks ago.  The are called 'infinity pearls': they move beautifully and are so lovely and light to wear.

After a better night last night, I headed out this morning for a wonderful massage. It was just what I needed; so relaxing and relieving of all the aches, pains and swelling. When I got home I fell into bed and had a 2 hour sleep - but it still didn't seem to touch the sides of the tiredness. All afternoon Rob and James kept themselves busy constructing an IKEA wardrobe for Angus. Fortunately, as I was upstairs I missed most of the expletives.  Later in the afternoon, Angus and I took Molly for a walk, before we had a visit from Lizzie who came laden with gifts, for Rob for his birthday and another gorgeous pair of earrings for me! She's such a thoughtful friend and it was lovely to see her.

Tonight Angus and I are home alone watching a Harry Potter film - we're working our way through the books and the films - while James and Rob are out at the Belvoir theatre for what sounds to me to be a very bizarre play, Mr Burns. I'm sure they'll love it...but I'm pleased I had a good excuse not to go!

On 118 I'm still waiting for the uplift, but tomorrow's another day...

Day 117: Pewter crystal squares

In April 2010, Mum and Dad were overseas on a river cruise from Amsterdam to Budapest; meanwhile Betty and her great friend Marg were on a cruise from Budapest to Amsterdam - they literally passed each each other on ships in the night! At the time, I was in hospital having surgery to remove what was the first sign of this ugly breast cancer. Everyone was reluctant to leave me, but I insisted they go. To my relief, despite their concerns about my welfare, they all managed to have wonderful journeys. Mum came back with gifts galore. These were no doubt hidden from Dad deep in the suitcase; this was a tricky exercise as she always insisted on buying for her 5 children and 5 in-laws and (then) 12 grandchildren, sisters and friends, but it was an art she'd mastered over the years. Earrings are the perfect gift under these circumstances, and the pair I wear today are one of the gifts she bought me, made from Czech crystals and she told me she'd picked up on her way through Prague. I remember so clearly her happy face when she handed them to me - Mum loved nothing more than gift-giving.

It was nice having another pair of earring to link me to Mum today. After all the excitement of 'Robsgiving' yesterday, I found it hard to sleep last night - my hideous mouth and some electric-shock like nerve pain through my fingers and toes didn't help one bit. As a result I've been very fragile today. Robbie took good care of me this morning with breakfast in bed, and a bright spot in the day was seeing my wonderful neighbour Katie for a cup of tea; she's always brings a ray of sunshine and good sense, whatever the conditions. I've been working on some simple tasks this afternoon to while away the hours. It's been raining today so I've not even stepped outside. Tonight Angus is off with his friend Cohen so Rob and I have our big boy to entertain us. I can hardly believe another week has come to an end.

I've got a happy weekend ahead with my new puzzle from Nat...here I go...

Day 116: Victoria Spring Roses

On 'Robs-giving' I've been wearing another pair of Victoria Spring earrings (Day 69) Rob bought for me shortly after we got back together in June 2000. I'd gone off to Malaysia for a week with Helen (Day 23) to undertake some work and came home to find a gorgeous gift from him - these rose earrings with a green crystals and a matching necklace. I wore these for my 40th birthday party; I've finally found the photo from that night of Maddie presenting me with my Onyx and Diamond earrings (Day 38) that I'd been searching for.



They always make me smile when I wear these earrings, remembering those early, exciting, nerve-wracking days. Even though its 17 years on, it seems like yesterday in so many ways. I feel so incredibly fortunate that things have worked out as they have, today more than ever. I can't imagine my life without darling Robbie.





We've had fun on Rob's birthday festival. James made his Dad breakfast in bed, allowing him an unusual mini-lie in, and then the boys delivered the gifts. Calls and messages from family and friends have been coming in all day. This in the morning I took the birthday boy shopping followed by lunch at Three Blue Ducks - the food looked delicious, but my lack of tastebuds meant my hot smoked salmon salad was not quite as wonderful as it looked. Fortunately Rob enjoyed his grilled prawns matched by a Clare riesling. I was jealous! We passed on dessert but headed straight for Black Star Bakery right next door, to buy a treat. We came home for me to rest, and Rob to crack open his birthday whiskey as an afternoon treat!

Having purchased the missing essential ingredient for Rob's standard birthday cake request - a Victoria sponge - Angus and I baked this afternoon. This time we used Betty's sponge recipe. Ours is nowhere near as good as hers, we need to perfect it, but it's a big step up on last years effort, which was too heavy, and the one before that, that looked like the moon including with very large craters (and had a cardboard texture, even without chemo!).


On Day 116 I'm very pleased to have had enough energy to get out and about, but the stabbing still continues, my eyes are streaming and my mouth remains so annoying. Rob was very ill with shingles this time last year, and I'm far my best right now. We agreed over lunch that we'll both be in tip top condition on 18 May 2018!

  

Day 115: Emily and Paula's Pink Crystals

Some weeks ago my dear colleagues Emily Waller and Paula Bennett send me a precious package  - a pair of beautiful pink quartz and silver earrings. They'd selected them while they were together in Byron Bay. They really capture the light beautifully and move so well. I've enjoyed wearing them today and look forward to having the chance to pull them out again soon!

Emily in pretty florals, with Rose and Emma 2015

I chose these today as Emily is undertaking a PhD with Andy and I as supervisors and this morning we had a Skype supervision session - or as Sophie calls it, a skypervision. It was a productive meeting with Emily on her way to writing an important thesis on the stigma attached to those suffering conflict-related sexual violence. Emily has been a great support to me over recent years, especially throughout the writing of my last book.  In those tough last days when Mum was ill and after she died when I was struggling to finish the manuscript, Emily's assistance made all the difference. I would never have finished without her.

Paula is also an important colleague, working with the wonderful Jan Breckenridge (Day 35 ) in the area of addressing gender-based violence, and building crucial bridges between the university and corporate sectors in this area, including vitally,  helping to get the big banks on board to change their practices in the area of financial abuse. Paula has sent constant messages of support, for which I've been very grateful.

Day 115 is a step up from yesterday thank goodness, after a much better night's sleep. I enjoyed a lovely walk around Sydney park in the bright sunshine this morning with Robbie and Molly before coming home for the skype with Emily and doing some other work including other great friend/colleagues Justine, Leanne and Carolien. By lunchtime I was exhausted so had a nice nap. Later this afternoon I had a visit from Nat - she's such a darling, bringing round a serve of delicious Pho soup for our dinner. Juggling the completion of her own PhD and her Dad in hospital, this really was beyond the call but we're so thankful. As is obvious, Vietnamese is my current favourite food, and the boys love it too.

We're moving into 'Rob'sgiving mode' - the name the boys have given to Rob's birthday celebrations - with his birthday tomorrow. It's always hard to demonstrate my appreciation of all his does for me and the boys; it will be particularly hard this year. Angus and I went to make the cake tonight and am missing an essential ingredient - grrr! I've added it to the agenda for tomorrow.

Day 114: Lisa's Pink Crystals

Undergoing chemo is a shitty experience. There's no way around it. Just as you start to feel a bit brighter the toxins go back into attack mode. Last night was a sleepless one: claggy mouth, burnt tongue, sharp stabbing pains, searing nails, racing heart, restlessness. I've reached the Docetaxel nadir today, so I hope this really is the worst of it. I'm thoroughly, completely, utterly sick of not sleeping and feeling so miserable. Thank goodness for digital radio and BBC4 which has become my friend during the wee hours. It cheers me up to know that there are people up and about living their lives in the UK - including precious friends- while we're in the pitch of night, even it it means sometimes listening to depressing UK political debates, struggling to work out the intricacies of 'The Archer's' or getting useless gardening tips given our very different climate.

On Day 114 it was a challenge to get going this morning but I had no choice as Chris our cleaner was coming and we had to 'clean for the cleaner'. Such a first world problem, but one that sends us into a spin every time he comes. The results are well worth it though, at least for the hour before the boys come home and we start the process all over again.  In our current mode of 'getting things done around the house' we also got the carpets cleaned this afternoon, so we're fresh and clean from top to bottom, and that cheers me up.

I added some subtle sparkle to my day with yet another pair of pink crystals in my collection, given to me by my dear friend Lisa (Day 10) many, many years ago. These are like old friends, travelling with me around the world and from home to home. They are dainty, catch the light beautifully and move so nicely.  Lisa always gives the most thoughtful gifts. Today, prompted by the need to clean up my office for the carpet cleaner, I finally got around to hanging the gorgeous cityscape paintings with Jacaranda trees by Chloe Waddell that Lisa gave me for my last birthday, now taking pride of place in our living area.

It was such a stunning day I couldn't resist getting out for a walk in the late afternoon sunshine with Rob and Molly, and Angus on his scooter. Tonight Robbie, ever so thoughtfully, met my latest whim for roast Chicken and baked potatoes. Rob and the boys have been so solicitous of me. I'm so lucky!

Day 113: Ottawa Fringes

Back in 2004, Rob, baby James and I enjoyed a brief sojourn in North America  - our itinerary included Chicago, Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver. The trip involved conferencing, researching and part reconnoitring around Vancouver before we headed back there for a semester in 2005. In Ottawa, Jill Vickers hosted me at Carleton (Day 37) where I gave a seminar about the 'unholy alliance' that had developed at the UN between the US and their strong evangelical Christian lobbyists, hardline Islamic states and the Vatican to block developments in women's rights. In my assessment, and to my despair, the effectiveness of this informal coalition seems to have only strengthened over the past decade to the extent that there was a debate just two years ago -led or supported by these players - about whether violence against women should even be considered a human rights abuse. The constant struggle over these issues is more critical than ever, and exhausting!

Ottawa pre-purchase 2004

Along with my Chicago Elipses (Day 79) I purchased these silver fringes in Ottawa as a souvenir of this trip. I rarely wear such long earrings these days (I've also stopped wearing red!), but remember being attracted by their swing. Amazingly, I've got a photo of me with James in the Ottawa restaurant we were at when I ran across the road to buy them. And I also have an image of an early outing, in front of a restaurant where we were meeting a colleague from Simon Fraser University, set in beautiful Stanley Park in Vancouver.

Stanley Park Vancouver 2004

I had no particular reason for wearing this pair today but while Rob was playing "guess where these come from?" this afternoon (he got it after a few clues), he remembered a few stand out events from that trip. First, in Ottawa when I was away working he and James visited the National Gallery of Canada where James took a particular liking with his sticky fingers to a famed Picasso - the guards were not amused! Second, when we were in Toronto we caught up with my gorgeous cousin Benny Crogan, Suzie and Pete's (Day 55) son who was living there at the time. We had a lovely brunch with him while James slept. Benny's the go to man for anyone wanting to know about wine, from all over the world, and the best places to eat in Brisbane, where he now resides.

Brunching with BJ Toronto 2004

Day 113 has been a busy one in our house. We all woke early to prepare for the arrival of the air-conditioning installers. We finally succumbed after another oppressive summer, with a commitment that the next installation must be solar power so we're not further adding to the climate change that makes the air-con essential in the first place. I was feeling very average - bad mouth issues,  ongoing stabbing, and an increasing sore throat - I guess I should expect to lose my voice again soon. Aside from one adventure, I spent the day with in bed with my computer on my lap working through a number of work issues. I'm so grateful for how accommodating and patient everyone at work is, including today Laura S, Andy D, Andrea B and Sarah W.

The adventure consisted of Robbie and I excitedly making a foray to our new Woolworths, just around the corner and right next to Dan Murphy's - our life has changed and improved for ever (and has been diminished to this!). Apparently, according to neighbour Katie we missed the opening with Jamie Oliver last weekend. I bought some pink grapefruit cordial - why hadn't I thought of it before. It is hands down the most divine tasting thing on the planet - for tonight at least.