Day 188: 4/25 Radiocity with Lisa's Black Pearl

We had a relaxing weekend in our household, so much so I could not even rally myself to write a blog entry! We all spent time reading - I'm still reading Pride and Prejudice, which I'm loving, and was drawn back to the classic BBC 1995 series which we watched over the weekend and enjoyed greatly. I also baked - my first and I think my last ever attempt at macarons; they were an utter disaster, so far from beautiful glossy jewels pictured on the recipe! To make up for it I baked ginger creams, which I found a bit too 'short' for my tastes, but good enough for our Sunday afternoon tea.

I'm also making progress on crocheting my scarf. The best thing about it is the beautiful pink silk/cashmere yarn I'm working with - a generous gift from Maddie. My first attempt is nowhere as neat as I'd like and somehow I keep dropping and picking up stitches, but I'm enjoying the process, and it keeps me off computer screens, which is a very good thing.

Today I got back in the groove again at Radiocity. With Robbie back as my wingman, we made it over to the hospital in plenty of time and while he went for a haircut nearby, I went in for my treatment. Today it ran like clockwork. I was in and out in no more than 15 minutes. The only one disturbing aspect of today's visit was overhearing the sobbing of the woman in the change room next to me.  I felt helpless in being able to comfort her, but did tell the nurse who I hope was able to take care of her. I guess after the rigours of chemo, this doesn't seem anywhere near as confronting for me, but I was jolted back to the reality of what a challenging and confronting experience this is for many people and how everything depends on context and support.


I came home for a brief time by heading back to see Dentist Dave for what is becoming my weekly visit. I was woken at 3am with some pain with my problem tooth, so wanted to get him to check it out sooner rather than later. With a little filing, he sorted out the problem and assured me things should settle down if I can stop clenching!

I received a nice surprise this afternoon with the arrival of my copy of an edited book by my friend Georgina Waylen, which included two chapters I had fun co-authoring - one with Fiona  in Edinburgh, and the other with Natalie. It's always gives me a sense of satisfaction to see something in print, especially when I get to work with, and am in the company of, such great friends and colleagues, such as with this volume.

Some work this evening and a delicious dinner cooked by Robbie and my day was complete.

Today I was wearing a pretty black pearl necklace Lisa gave me a few years ago, and which goes very nicely with my black pearl Satellite earrings.

Day 185: Radiocity 3/25 with Tiffany's Atlas Cube Necklace

It was an early start here this morning with everyone up before 7am to get Angus off to his pre-school coding class in time. James walked Miss Molly, while I wrangled Angus -  we made it just in time. My first win of the day.

I then had the pleasure of joining Andy for an early walk around Centennial Park. It was great to catch up and find out everything that's been happening in her busy world. She is launching a major report next week into addressing sexual violence on university campuses which has been a huge effort and will be such an important contribution to a critical issue. The reaction, in my view, will be interesting to say the least - universities will have to admit the extent of the problem for the first time, while trying to put a spin on their lame efforts to date to address it.

Radiocity was the next stop. I got there right on time but it didn't run quite as smoothly as the previous two days. After setting me up and leaving me alone in the room for the machine to do it's work, the radiologists realised that the machine had frozen so I had to get up, cover up and sit in the waiting room until the technician was able to fix the machine. Half an hour later I was back in place, with my arms stretched out uncomfortably above my head, and received my dose for the day.

Given the hold up, I was worried I'd be too late to catch Angus at his athletics carnival, but I got there just in time to see him 'run' the 800ms. It's clear Rob and I haven't bred great athletes: tongue in cheek, and in good humour, Angus gave himself the overall award for losing every race - but was still pleased to have contributed points to his house by participating. I was proud of him!

Last stop for the day was my first haircut with the wonderful Blake. It's not that I have long hair, obviously, but its growing back thick and wooly and I want to keep it under control until all the 'chemo hair' grows out, which will take a few months. It was nice to visit the hairdressers - it made me feel like I was really getting back to normal.

When I got home having collected Angus en route I was met with a mess, thanks to Miss Molly. I've been working away on my crocheting that Maddie got me started on last week, but while I was out for the day Molly obviously became inquisitive and thought it would be fun to upend my knitting box and play with the wool - maybe she's a dogcat! Thankfully, she didn't unravel my painstaking work!





Robbie came home tonight - hooray! Molly was beside herself with excitement to see him. He's feeling very pulled between being here and leaving dear Auntie Beryl who is making some progress but still in ICU.  He liked his date loaf tin I bought him as a welcome home present! I feel some more baking coming on...







Today I'm wearing a lovely Tiffany's piece - an Atlas cube - given to me by Rob and the boys for my birthday some years ago - interesting that my memory is much less sharp on my necklaces compared to my earrings. I remember who gave them to me, but not the precise details.

Day 184: Radiocity 2/25 with SFO Arc necklace

I made it into Radiocity at 11am today without a hitch. I even got a park right outside, which was terrific. Again the treatment was straightforward though they wanted to change the padding they put over the top from the gel of yesterday to a wet cloth covered in cling wrap today. I asked whether this was intended to protect my skin, "quite the opposite" was the reply.  The radiologist told me that they are 'tricking' the scanner to think that I have a layer skin, so it can treat my actual skin and blast any micro cancer cells left behind. My breast is feeling hot, and I'm feeling tired, but otherwise I feel normal.

My trip to the clinic came after a busy morning of getting Gus to school, walking Miss Molly and doing some shopping. I wanted to get ingredients for a cake I was making for Suzie and Nat for afternoon tea; with Rob away it's up to me to do the baking. I tried a new recipe of an orange ricotta cake. It looked nothing like the mouthwatering picture, but it tasted OK. It was lovely having a chance to see these two, two days in a row, and to show Suzie our renovations which she'd never seen before.

Today I was wearing a necklace I bought in San Francisco when I was there a couple of years ago for a conference, I like it's Arc shape, a bit like a mezzaluna.

Robbie is still taking care of Aunty Beryl and spending special time with Betty and Jeff and Annie; he'll be home tomorrow night, which isn't a moment too soon for me!  Ree is also in Armidale to support her close friend, Karen, who is confronted with the toughest challenge any parent could face - turning off the medical support machinery keeping her darling daughter alive. Lucy, who is about 20, has a special place in our hearts having valiantly fought against health trial after trial after becoming a paraplegic as a young girl. Mum and Dad played a role in taking care of Karen and the other members of the family during Lucy's long stint in a Brisbane hospital and Mum always felt very close to Karen and Lucy. It seems Lucy has a fatal infection attacking some of her major organs. The thought of Lucy dying, and the tragedy of this for her family, has made us all incredibly sad today. It's a reminder to me not to take anything for granted.

Day 183: Radiocity 1/25 with Mum's necklace

So today finally marked the start of the radio treatment after a few big and small diversions! This time I got to Radiocity in plenty of time, having scouted out a good place to park. Before the treatment I had a lovely catch up with Cazy over coffee who had kindly offered to come across and hold my hand today for the first treatment as Robbie is still away. It was so great to see her after their family's wonderful trip to Italy and France. Even though it was her birthday while she was away, she was the one to arrive with gifts - which was so generous of her.

We then walked across to the clinic where we were quickly escorted by Bree, the radiologist, into the change area and then to the stark, cold therapy room. Cazy was allowed to come with me while Bree and her partner aligned the machine with my tattoos and then covered my skin with a gel pack to protect it in the process. They all left the room while the radiation took place. I had to hold very still but thankfully the entire process only took a few minutes, five at most. I jumped off the table without feeling a thing, very much like having an x-ray. It's the cumulative effect of this treatment that will be the issue; though I must admit to feeling pretty tired this afternoon.

After I said goodbye to Cazy I had the enjoyable task of going to collect Suzie who had come to town to see me while Pete is here for a work function. She and I drove across to Rozelle to have lunch with Natalie: I have Suzie to thank for introducing me to Nat, after they had connected when both living in Dubai. I'd be lost without both of them! Suzie came laden with more gifts - gorgeous Marimeko cushion covers that I can't wait to use. We three had a delicious lunch before we went our separate ways. Suzie's hair is looking so sensational at the moment that people kept coming interrupting our lunch to compliment her on it. One woman even took a photo - here it is!

I came home via school to collect Angus and slumped on the lounge for the rest of the afternoon. My fun task has been to book flights with Cazy to go up to Brisbane to celebrate my cousin Ben's 40th (Day 113) birthday the weekend after next. Something fun to look forward to even if I'll likely be feeling sore and fatigued by then.

I've now started on the necklace collection - which is a bit silly as I'll need to take it off every day when I have treatment, but there it is! Today I've gone back to one of Mum's necklaces that I wore with the matching earrings to one of my chemo sessions. I bought it in Chicago on behalf of all of us for Mum's birthday about 5 years ago. I've realised that I don't actually have many of Mum's necklaces so will probably just wear her gold bracelet throughout this phase to keep her close.

The boys and I had a quiet night in. We're missing Robbie who is holding a bedside vigil with Aunty Beryl. She seems to be rallying today, no doubt aided by his gentleness and company.

Day 182: Radiocity prep

Today was a relatively straightforward day. We had an early start preparing for Chris the cleaner and me getting the boys of to school before I headed back over to Darlinghurst to the Kinghorn to have my port flushed. So long as I have the port in place, I need to undergo this procedure every 4 weeks or so to keep it operational. It was a relatively straightforward process in the capable hands of Nurse Sue. This time I found a park right outside the clinic, which was a big relief after yesterday's fiasco.

I came home to a sparkling clean house and spent the afternoon doing some work before it was school pick up time. The weather has been divine - cool nights and warm sunny days. It's hard to believe it's winter.

Rob's reports from the Northern Tablelands are worrying. Aunty Beryl wasn't able to rally as well today as yesterday, and is very weak, poor dear.

Ok, so now I think I've got it right - radiotherapy is starting tomorrow at 11.10!

Day 181: Radiocity false start

So....obviously the effects of chemo on my brain hasn't subsided quite as much as I thought...

I left home this morning with what I thought was plenty of time to get to my appointment but I found it IMPOSSIBLE to find a car park. This meant I arrived late and panting at Radiocity reception only then to be told that my therapy starts on Wednesday, not today! I was so flustered by the experience of getting there that when the kind nurse told me it wasn't my day, I just burst into tears! The nurse had to see me anyway to give me an outline of the treatment and post-treatment care regime, so it wasn't a complete waste of time, and she was so sweet and sympathetic to my plight, which made me feel slightly better.

After that heart starter, I headed home, via the supermarket and came home and did some cooking. I'm feeling re-inspired by Ottolenghi at the moment so cooked his cauliflower cake for my lunch for the next couple of days, which is delicious. After a bit of work it was time to collect Angus, so I walked up to school to meet him, then took him to drumming lessons. With Rob away I'm reminded of how much he has been doing everyday to make my life so much easier (and reminded of the pace at which I've been running between work and home for the past 10 years!)

Rob left for Armidale/Tamworth on an early flight this morning. Dear Auntie Beryl has had surgery, and is rallying as best she can. Rob's away for the rest of the week so I'll have my work cut out for me but the boys are being wonderful. He's enjoying time with dear Betty and seeing his family.

I managed to have contact of one sort or another with all my siblings today, which was lovely. It's good to know that Cazy and family and Ree are all back safely from their OS adventures to Europe and the US respectively, and everyone had great time.

So after this false start, I've now got my head around a Wednesday start for the radiotherapy...and more medical appointments tomorrow just for fun.

Day 180: Preparation for Radiocity

I've had a lots of good things happen since my last blog:

We had a gorgeous few days away at the aptly names Killcare. The weather was perfect, the dog friendly house made everyone very happy, and we shared really special family time with board games, long walks on the beach, and fish and chips at Patonga with a local dolphin play in the water and whistling kites overhead.

Rob, James and I also finished watching the Handmaid's Tale TV adaptation and agreed it was terrifying and brilliant in equal measure. I finished my first novels in ages - Alan Bennett's hilarious 'The Uncommon Reader' and a good Australian crime novel, 'The Dry' by Jane Harper.

Our long walks on the beach has made it easier for me to slip back into a morning walk routine in Sydney Park without the discomfort I was feeling before we went away, which is such a relief.

We settled the boys back into school last week for Term 3, and I got to do some good things at work, including undertaking interviews for the Business Manager for the new institute that I'll be running when back to work. There are exciting times ahead.

Last week Rob and I also enjoyed the fabulous Preston, Cossington Smith and O'Keefe exhibition at the UNSWAG, followed by a terrific lunch and catch up with Carol Weissert, a lovely colleague from the US.












We've had some lovely visits, yesterday from Maddie (who has shown me the Tunisian crotchet stitch that I might now be able to concentrate on given my eyes have stopped streaming) and on Friday from gorgeous QLD-based nephew Harry before he heads overseas to Berlin next week.

Last night Rob and I were guests of Steph, my wonderful Swans-committee friend, to her corporate box at the Swans v St Kilda match. It was great fun, helped along but a great win by the team. I can't believe that I'm enjoying the sport so much.

I did all of this feeling so much stronger. The worst of the chemo and surgery effects have now all but disappeared; I can get very tired quickly and I've had ongoing trouble with nails and with my mouth, but both are improving. My hair, eyebrows and lashes are growing back apace, which makes me very happy.

On the medical front, last Wednesday I had my second radiotherapy simulation with Dr Rowena to prepare me for the start of treatment tomorrow. She was a delightful as ever, greeting me with a big hug, demonstrating concern and sympathy about the surgery and giving me some great reassurance about the next steps in the treatment and the positive outcome she expects.

I'm not relishing the idea of being 'fried' on a daily basis for the next 5 weeks, but at the same time, I know I'm in great hands and that this is an important stage in ensuring against a recurrence. To keep me occupied I'm thinking of doing a Jane Austen marathon to mark the bicentenary of of her death - 6 books in total, two of which I've never read. I've already started re-reading Pride and Prejudice and enjoying it immensely. It reads very differently to me at 50 than it did when I read it as an 18 year old doing my HSC when despite Marg Walsh's best efforts to teach me, I missed most the subtle humour and the political and economic boundaries.

We've had sad news tonight that Rob's dear old Aunt Beryl is critically ill in hospital. He's made plans to head to Armidale tomorrow to see her. Poor Robbie has it coming at him in all directions at the moment.

Day 169: Surgeryland Recovery and Pink Dinosaur Design

Another day, another injection into some part of my body! This time it was my mouth when I was back at the dentist to replace the temporary filing this afternoon. The toxicity of the chemo, and its side effect - which results in a lack of saliva production - can contribute to all sorts of dental problems, and so it seems to be the case with me. I'll have this filing in place through to the end of chemo but then looks like I'm in for all the fun of root canal therapy and the back pocket agony of another crown. Where will the fun of 2017 end, I wonder?

My trip to the dentist came after a lazy morning in bed after a restless night of discomfort from the latest 'inflation'. I know it will settle over the next week but for now it's heavy and sore, especially when I'm lying down. At least I got some work done and made some important work phone calls this morning, so that was some progress.

After the dentist I had the chance to see Lindy for afternoon tea before she departed for home. It's been lovely seeing her again so soon.

Tonight Rob and I will watch another couple of episodes of the brilliant Handmaid's Tale, having started it last night. I'm a huge Margaret Attwood fan and have read everything she's written (but not her Sci-Fi books, with the exception of the Blind Assassin). I've always disliked Sci Fi in general and dystopian novels in particular so have avoided reading her classic book BUT I have to say this is a brilliant series based on what is I'm sure a brilliant book. I found the first episode anxiety producing, and thought I might not make it through, but the stellar acting, script and storyline which is so topical, have us both gripped.

Today I'm wearing the last of my bangle collection - a wonderful pink dinosaur design bangle the boys bought me for mother's day about eight years ago. I think this was my first DD piece. I don't wear it often - it is heavy and dramatic - but I do love it and always get comments on it when I have it on.

Tomorrow we are heading up to Killcare/Hardy's Bay for a few days away. I booked it to celebrate what was to be the end of the radiotherapy and to co-incide with the last days of the school holidays. As it turns out, the radiotherapy is still to come, but it will be wonderful to have a change of scene after months of being housebound, and to walk on the beach whatever the weather. I'll take time off blogging while I'm away and start again next week when I head across to Radiocity.

Day 168: Surgeryland Recovery and Helen's Lapis Bracelet

We were up early to greet Chris the cleaner this morning. He is so patient with us, working around our various movements and always leaving the house so fresh and sparkling clean.
After a completing a few work tasks this morning, and after James and Lindy returned from the North-side we all headed into the city for a delicious lunch Chef's Gallery Chinese restaurant.

After lunch the boys peeled off to do their thing, while Lindy and I went to my appointment with Dr Elizabeth. Elizabeth gave me the last 'inflation' allowing me to preserve as much skin as possible before the radiotherapy begins. It will take a couple of weeks for the skin to stretch comfortably, and then we'll be ready to go again with the radiotherapy. Lindy took a photo of us leaving the clinic - she's the selfie queen!

We all came home for a relaxed afternoon  - I was too tired and sore after my trip to the city to go to the dentist, so rescheduled for tomorrow - something to look forward to!

Today I was wearing a lovely lapis and gold bracelet Helen (Day 50) gave me as a gift one birthday from a little antique shop stuffed full of treasures that we used to frequent just along from her place on Victoria Street, Potts Point. We both bought gifts for each other and for other friends and family there and were both very sad when the shop closed and was replaced by yet another cafe.

Day 167: Surgeryland recovery and swarovski strap

My day started today with a catch up with dear neighbour Katie. We went out for coffee for a change, as a belated and first step towards celebrating her birthday. As ever, it was wonderful to see her.

Once I got home Robbie, Angus and I headed over to Darlinghurst. This time it was for Angus to visit the barber and for me to have a bone density scan in preparation for the hormone treatment. Osteoporosis is a potential side effect of this treatment so Dr Rachel wanted a base line measurement before I started. I'll get the results in a few days. Thankfully this was a completely painless exercise, and one more thing ticked off the medical list.

When I got home, over lunch I heard another one of those unwanted crunches - I realised immediately it was my temporary filing, which means I'm back to the dentist tomorrow for replacement until I'm in a position to have more extensive treatment.

I was feeling exhausted after all my adventures of the past few days so I headed to bed for the afternoon.

Robbie, Angus and I had a quiet night at home, with James still with cousin Olly.

Today I'm wearing a swarovski suede and chyrstal wrist strap the boys bought me for Christmas about 6 years ago. I love how it sparkles in the light - it's definitely more of a night piece.

Day 166: Surgeryland recovery and Lindy's Venetian bracelet

At 3am this morning, our bedroom became a bit of a circus - Rob heard Molly awake downstairs, so he went to investigate, 10 minutes later he returns with Angus and Molly in tow. We set Angus up on a mattress on the floor, while Molly made herself comfortable on our bed and took up all the room! It was a rough couple of hours trying to carve out some space until dawn when I eventually fell back to sleep. We need to get strict with Miss M from now on!

After a late breakfast courtesy of Rob, Angus and I drove to the park to meet he and Molly for a lovely morning walk in the warm winter sunshine. We returned home to do some baking for tonight and prepare for afternoon tea with Angus' friend, Cohen, and his lovely Mum, Kathryn, who has done some much to support us over the past 6 months. It was a relaxed afternoon with Angus and Cohen doing their thing while Rob, Kathryn and I had great chat about our precious, loving, funny and sensitive boys.

At 5pm we headed over to Cazy's house for dinner. The Thompson's are away on holidays in Europe, and Lindy and Chris are staying there for a brief break;  James and Ollie -  the sleepy-headed teenagers-  have now decamped over there too. Paulie and Jai also came over for dinner but sadly not Geeta, who stayed home with a heavy cold.  We had a delicious meal and a great catch up; it was especially nice to see Chris after a couple of months, and to hear how happy he is in his new job.

Two nights out in a row and I'm starting to feel it, but it's been really nice to get out and about. I'm really enjoying the feeling of being more comfortable in my own skin and not feeling like every cell in my body is under assault. The chemo fog is also starting to lift, though I notice struggle to find nouns from time to time. I have more medical appointments early this week, but am looking forward to some Dr free time and some time away from Sydney later in the week.

Today I was wearing the lovely petite owl studs Chris bought me during Chemo, along with a pretty blue/purple and coffee coloured beaded bracelet Lindy bought me from Venice when she and Chris were there last year. I'm a spoilt girl, that's for sure.

Day 165: Surgeryland recovery and Mum's black chrystal bracelet

Today started with a lovely catch up over at Lindsey and Chris' for morning tea. It was so great to see them, their gorgeous kids, Evie and Gabe, and Linz' Mum, Arlene. I then headed over to see Orsi,the lymphodema specialist for a treatment which really relaxed my rights side post-surgery. I'll see her again before the radio therapy to try and get some good movement happening before the next onslaught (which will commence on 24 July). She's such an encouraging and supportive part of 'the team'.

It was such a beautiful sunny day Robbie was able to convince me to join him and the boys watch the Swannies play at the SCG  this afternoon - I was so pleased I did. They had a great win against the Gold Coast. I can't believe at this stage in my life I'm turning into a footy fan, but the AFL is so great - the game has such a fabulous atmosphere and the players display such athleticism, sportsmanship, and diversity, and a women's comp to come very soon. Angus started us off a few years ago, and now we're committed. Steph who's closely connected to the club also been teaching me a lot about the Swans Tribe, which is very appealing. She got us VIP tickets into the change room after the game tonight which was a thrill for all of us. I got to see my favourite player - Dane -  from afar, but we all got to meet the wonderful duo of Gary Rohan, player of the day, and Isaac Heany, a Newcastle boy.

I was wearing Mum's black chrystal bracelet. I'm not sure where she got it, but she passed it on to me and it matches the other black chrystal heart necklace and earrings I wore for one of my chemo treatment (Day 64).









Today is the birthday of my Aunty Margie (Day 61), one of Mum's precious sisters. I love this photo of her (the little one) with Mum and Eilee before one of their tap dancing performances. Mum looks so much like Cazy here, Eilee looks just like Katie K, and Margie like her second son Anthony. Sending her much love and good wishes today.

Day 164: Surgeryland recovery and Berlin Bangles

I slept roughly again last night - I know the discomfort will pass but it's hard lying down and rolling over, so I end up waking myself up all night long. It makes me very pleased for my new podcasts.

We had a relaxed and slow start to the morning though, which made up for the lack of sleep. When I got going, I made pikelets - something I haven't done in years - in anticipation of Steph's visit for morning tea. They were delicious with Lindy's lemon butter! It was great to see Steph after many weeks, and catch up on her news. She bought me some poppies and tulips to brighten my day.

By midday everyone had deserted the house to go and see movies - I couldn't be tempted to go to Despicable me 3 with Angus and Rob, and wasn't invited to go to Spiderman with the teenagers, thank goodness. Instead, I set myself up with the latest series of VEEP and watched a few wickedly funny episodes. There's no doubt that Julia Louis Dreyfus is a comic genius. I also grabbed a brief nap before the boys came home.

Robbie went out with Nat tonight to see 1984 at the STC.
Orwell's tale is obviously striking a cord in these crazy Trump days; even though I love the novel and feel attached to it having studied it for the HSC with the wonderful Marg Walsh, I couldn't quite bring myself to confront that harsh world just yet. Instead, the boys and I played a few rounds of Jenga before Angus and I snuggled up together to watch Tim Burton's version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - which had quite enough darkness of it's own.


Today I'm wearing a set of three bangles I bought in Berlin two years ago when I was there with Dad visiting Daisy and her partner Tori. They're from a Spanish fashion chain that I love called Bima y Lola.







At the same time as I bought these I also purchased a bangle for Cazy as a birthday gift...and today we're back around at her birthday again. She's celebrating with her family and in-laws in Lucca, Italy and sounds like she's having a wonderful time. I'm sending love and birthday kisses to my wonderful sister. I found this lovely photo of her and Mum from a few years ago - out of all of us, they are definitely the most alike.

The luminescent almost full moon here tonight made Mum feel very close.

 

Day 163: Surgeryland recovery and purple cuff

I had such a restless night last night - I was already feeling uncomfortable and missing the boys, then at midnight I was interrupted by Miss Molly who was insistent that she wanted to sleep on my bed as Angus, her usual sleeping companion, was away. I was adamant when we got a dog that it would never come in to our bedroom, let alone sleep on my bed - how easily good intentions crumble in the middle of the night when faced with a sweet girl.

This morning I slept in as long as I could before Molly made me get up. We enjoyed breakfast with Dad before he headed off for more appointments and Molly and I headed out for our morning walk. I took a photo of her in the park, especially for Emily, who is away in Africa, and who is attached to Molly after taking good care of her as a little pup.

During the walk I caught up on the phone with our dear family friend Lucy who has sent me continuous messages of support, flowers and gifts throughout this journey. We had a great conversation, sharing our horror of the Trump phenomenon and the affect of it and the madness of the world our mental health! Lucy informed me of a great weekly NPR podcast on US politics while I told her about my recent find the New Yorker's Politics and More, including this week's excellent episode on the reporters' visit to Mar-a-Lago - the obscenity of it all leaves me speechless...definitely worth a listen. Another great find of the week is Malcolm Gladwell's Revisionist History podcast series, along with this great ABC Big Ideas interview 'Confessions of a Neurosurgeon' with Henry Marsh. He critiques the surgeon god syndrome so it's very on topic for moi.

The boys tumbled back in around 3pm, smelling of the bush and campfire. Within two minutes the sparkling clean house was no more, but I was happy to have them home. After a quick cup of tea with Rob, I drove Dad over to Paulie's and popped in there for a quick hello. It was lovely to have had Dad here.


My achievement of the day was finishing my latest puzzle; the last flower section through the middle was very tricky but I got there in the end. It was a pleasure to work on it.











Today I'm wearing a lovely purple resin cuff Robbie bought me about 5 years ago when he was in Edinburgh and Glasgow for our friend Alistair. It's a great colour.

Day 162: Surgeryland recovery and Pale Pink DD bangle

I woke early this morning to Molly's barking. As I've been so spoilt for so long not having to jump up in the morning to let her outside, it was a jolt to remember that Robbie and the boys were away and it was my responsibility to get out of bed to address her needs and to make my own cup of tea, god forbid!


I've been missing the boys and it's strange not being able to have any communication with them because they are out of range in the Wolgan Valley; I'm so looking forward to having them home tomorrow but it's lovely that they are out having an adventure. It's -1 degree there tonight...brrrr....

 I had a relaxing day. After a morning Molly walk I headed to the beauticians to see Aoife to have my nails done. Under my black polish the nails are looking very fragile. I hope/pray they'll hang in there while the new nails grow.

I came home to do some work before Andy arrived for an afternoon visit. She arrived with these gorgeous tulips, and a wonderful new book 'Women in Dark Times' by Jacqueline Rose, that I can't wait to read. Andy took Molly for her afternoon walk, then came home and enjoyed a catch up over a cup of tea with Dad who arrived home after a day of medical appointments.

When we got home these other gorgeous flowers arrived from my PhD st
udent Emily, currently in Africa - they are a combination of orchids and some peonies in my favourite colours. I feel incredibly spoilt.

Dad took me out for a nice dinner across at Fratelli's, and we had an early quiet night. I'm almost finished my latest jigsaw from Deb...about 50 tricky pieces to go.

Today I'm wearing another Dinosaur Design bangle, in a soft pretty pale pink, that the boys gave me as a Christmas gift about 8 years ago.  

Day 161: Surgeryland recovery with Lisa's tear drop bangle

The boys left this morning to go camping near Lithgow. The chilly winter nights are really going to add to the 'boys own adventure' feel of their trip, but at least it's warmer than last week. I'm missing them alreay, but not as much as Molly who is wandering from room to room looking for them. It's sweet and sad in equal measure.

Once the boys were out the door, I spent time cleaning up and worked my way through what seemed like mountains of washing. It's the first time in ages I had the energy to do some housework and amazingly I quite enjoyed it. I know the feeling will wear off very quickly, but it's something about the normality of it that cheers me up.

This afternoon I headed into town to see Dr Elizabeth to have more fluid inserted into the 'expander'. It's important to do this as it helps save the skin during and after the radio therapy. The extra fluid makes my chest feel very heavy and uncomfortable again, but Elizabeth assures me that it will settle quickly. I need one more insertion next week before radiotherapy starts in three weeks time.

It was lovely to come home and be greeted by Dad who is in Sydney for a few days and is staying with me for two nights. I really enjoyed catching up with him one-on-one tonight, always a rare thing in our big family, and to catch up on each other's news in person.

Today I was wearing a lovely bangle Lisa gave me as a gift a number of years ago. It has three tear shaped crystals attached, and is delicate and lovely to wear. I was able to have a great catch up on the phone with Lisa today before she leaves Adelaide for a trip to Europe tomorrow.

The clouds were so beautiful this afternoon. I'm making an effort to try and stop and take in these lovely moments.

Day 160: Surgeryland Recovery: Tortoise-shell Dinosaur design

Phew! The end of another nail-biting day here in Cancerworld for Robbie and me, and for once one with a good outcome. Back in December when the nodal 'invasion' was been detected, some small cysts in my liver were also evident on the CT scan. It's quite normal to have such things in our liver, but for someone with breast cancer, the doctors are extra cautious as this is one of the key sites for metastases. All my specialists wanted me to wait til the end of my chemo treatment to have another scan to see what changes, if any, the treatment had had on the cysts. For once, we wanted to still see them there, unchanged -  which would indicate they are ordinary old liver spots, and not cancerous lesions. The great news today was that they still look exactly as they did in December. So now I'm breathing again. Dr Rachel will keep a close eye on the cysts, with regular scans, but it means I can forget about them for now...but in the mean time won't to punish my liver with too much alcohol, although I am looking forward to a celebratory glass of wine once this is all over!

The other great news is that Dr Rachel is certain that I don't need any more chemo. Studies have indicated that there's no additional benefit in having 'mop up' chemo for someone in my situation. Double Phew!!!! More important is to get on to the radiotherapy, and more important again is to start the endocrine hormone therapy, starting with tamoxifen, immediately after the radiotherapy. This will be a long term prospect - at least 5 possibly 10 years of treatment. Let's hope and pray the side-effects aren't too awful - but it's proving to be very effective, improving the chances of non-recurrence by up to 50 per cent or more, which is excellent news. Surely in that time, there will be a miracle cure too!

Right on cue, Dr Rowena called this afternoon to book me in for the start of the radiotherapy, which will now commence on 24 July and run through until the second last week of August.

One more visit to Dr Elizabeth tomorrow to have additional fluid inserted in the expander and a bone density test on Friday (osteoporosis is a potential side-effect of the hormone therapy so we need a baseline test) and I hope that's me done with the specialists for a few weeks. I can wait for some time just concentrate on 'rest and repair'!

As ever, Robbie was my rock today. He was steady and patient, and his calm reassurances helped keep me from catastrophising too much. I have only survived every step of this experience
because of him.

Rob and the boys, including nephew Ollie, are off tomorrow for a camping adventure on the other side of the Blue Mountains... in the freezing cold...rather them than me! Instead, I'll look forward to having Dad come to visit for a couple of nights, while he's in town having his own regular medical check ups.

I wore my good luck earrings today, along with another bangle from the DD collection - a favourite tortoise-shell bangle with a lovely organic shape.

Day 158 & 159: Surgeryland recovery: Lizzie's silver bangle + charm braclet

It was a relaxed weekend at our house.

On Saturday after a nice lie in, we all headed out for a walk in the warm sunshine up to the Carriageworks markets. I haven't walked that far in weeks, and managed it much better than I thought I would. I also haven't been to the markets in ages and enjoyed seeking out some great fresh produce, bread and flowers. The most enjoyable thing, now I'm off chemo, when I wasn't able to eat any soft cheeses, was selecting a delicious blue cheese, which I ate with the fresh bread when we got home - it was ambrosian!

Friday was dearest Lizzie's birthday, and last night we had dinner at the apartment of other lovely friends Kate and Betty to mark the occasion. Aside from family events, I think this is my first proper outing since February and I enjoyed it immensely. Betty cooked us a delicious feast and it was so great to be able to celebrate with Lizzie, and to catch up with Kate and Betty, MaryAnn, John, Trevor and Lye after many months. As someone pointed out over dinner, of the nine of us there only three have not had one form of cancer or other. It's a testament to modern medicine that we're all here - and as MaryAnn said, and I wholeheartedly agree, were on a tipping point with cancer treatment. I'm very confident my boys will look back and say to me with disbelief - 'remember you had to have chemo which wiped not only the bad but also the good cells in your body'!

I love the conversations with these people - ranging from cancer treatment and the Australian health system, Gonski 2.0, Pell's guilt or innocence, the UK elections, Abbott's and Rhiannon's sabotage of their own parties, and most troubling, Kate's report back on the appalling and systemic child protection issues in the NT, after her experience working as part of the Royal Commission into Juvenile Detention. It's a post-colonial tragedy at every level.

Four wise women: Kate, Lizzie, MaryAnn and Betty in action mode

Last night I was wearing this wonderful silver bangle Lizzie gave me as a birthday gift many years ago, alongside some of my other silver bangles. It's another that's travelled with me over the years and I still love wearing it, and do so often.

Today, has been equally as relaxing with another sleep in for me (but not for poor Robbie who was on swimming duty with the boys early this morning), a quick visit to the local shops, and a lovely visit for afternoon tea from dear friends Vicky and David.



Thoughtful as ever, they arrived with some pretty pink roses and a selection of 'neenish' tarts knowing that they are a favourite from my childhood. As I once told V&D, these tarts were important element of a life lesson about sharing. When I was four, Mum asked me what I wanted to take as my contribution to the pre-school Christmas concert supper.  I'd told her without hesitation: neenish tarts. So rather than baking some of her usual treats -Mum took me to the local cake shop a bought a tray of them, these tarts not being part of her usual repertoire. Under the illusion that they were all for me, I entered the concert hall and gleefully left them on the table in the expectation that they'd all be waiting for me when we finished. When I got back to the table to find all the tarts gone - clearly they were everyone's favourite treat - I was devastated to the point where my teacher had to call Mum to come and collect me. After much maternal soothing, I gradually came to understand the concept of sharing my favourite things, including food! But I still covet a freshly baked neenish tart when I see one.

Interestingly, last year Radio National did a great program on the neenish tart - which turns out to be an Australian culinary invention. As Annabel Crabb explained so well: "Once you've had a neenish tart they're tricky to forget,' she says. 'It's got that reckless combination of slightly too much everything.'There's sweet pastry or cake, then there's the mock cream, then there's the jam, and as if you really needed it, icing of a sweetness that actually makes your teeth rattle in your skull.'

A dispute ensues about whether they should have white/chocolate or pink/chocolate icing. For us in Armidale, the latter combination was the only one in town.  Today we got to compare the two, with the verdict of the best tasting combination split between down the middle at 50/50. 

Last night I received from Trevor and Lye another throw back to my childhood - a boiled fruit cake, just the way Mum made it. It was such a thoughtful gesture of theirs, knowing we have a lot of visitors...including them soon I hope, though I am certain none of the delicious cake will be left!

Today I'm wearing my charm bracelet, bought for me for my 40th birthday and added to over the years by Rob and the Boys at almost every birthday and mother's day. They've chosen so many pretty beads and charms to signify our life, themselves, my career, and my favourite colours. It's very precious.

Nat in action

July is a big month for birthdays, starting today with the wonderful Nat, who has been a constant support to me over the last few months. I can't wait to see Nat fly once she's unshackled from the chains of her PhD, which will be loosened very soon.

Finny and me, Potts Point 2001

Sharing a birthday with Nat is my lovely nephew Finely, the fourth child of Ree and Col. Fin has always been a sweet boy, and it's been so exciting to see him flourish in recent months in his horticulture apprenticeship. Happy Birthday to you two special people!