Day 119: Silver hoops

Everyone needs some simple hoops in their collection. I know friends who have lots of these, and always look fabulous wearing them - Suzie, Pauline and Lisa are cases in point. Mine today are an old pair that haven't had a outing for a very long time because until recently one lonesome earring was sitting at the bottom of the jewellery box missing its companion. It would have been a victim of the next cull until the other week our cleaner Chris, who actually moves the furniture around to vacuum(!), found the missing earring under my bedside drawers: Gratitude! I'm wondering now whether this is a lesson never to throw a single earring away? (see Day 2).

These earrings bought me happy memories today. I wore these earrings the night of my PhD party back in October 1998. I was so relieved to have finished that dissertation, and following Mum's advice to celebrate every milestone, I organised a party at the 'O' Bar in Surry Hills. It was great fun, with lots of dancing and some fun speeches, from Paul, Mum and Pete Crogan (we were all heckled, if I remember rightly, by one of my drunk colleagues, an internationally famous political philosopher!). Many of my friends and relatives mentioned in this blog were there. Dad is the usual speechmaker in our family, but this time I asked Mum to say a few words; she made a great speech except for her highlighting the fact that I've had very chubby arms since I was born...she was right of course but it's something I've tried to hide throughout my life. This photo captures the moment before the mortification!

On day 119 (I almost typed 199 - it feels like it!) I've still been feeling wiped out. Tiredness, some residual stabbing pains and my mouth are the worst of it. I spent the morning in bed watching the Insiders and doing some work. Molly took particular interest in Nat's thesis - she wouldn't leave my side and even took to laying on the keyboard. She's such a funny dog!

I managed to join Rob and Angus for a walk around the park this morning in the gorgeous sunshine. I've been watching Rob cook, clean, shop, run the boys around without being able to do much to help...I'm so incredibly grateful. He's heading to Armidale on Tuesday to celebrate his Aunty Beryl's 90th birthday; fortunately Lindy's coming to help me out.

Having an afternoon rest meant I missed a visit from darling Vicky and David. They bought Rob a tea cup commemorating the opening of Parliament House in 1927 - Fabulous! This evening I had a belated skype with Fiona and Georgie in Edinburgh - we've managed to get frequent flyer tickets to get over to see them next Easter. Hooray! I'm making progress with the new puzzle. It's gorgeous.

Day 118: Lizzie's Infinity Pearls

Today has been another delicate day so I reached for a delicate pair of earrings darling Lizze (Day 13) bought me a few weeks ago.  The are called 'infinity pearls': they move beautifully and are so lovely and light to wear.

After a better night last night, I headed out this morning for a wonderful massage. It was just what I needed; so relaxing and relieving of all the aches, pains and swelling. When I got home I fell into bed and had a 2 hour sleep - but it still didn't seem to touch the sides of the tiredness. All afternoon Rob and James kept themselves busy constructing an IKEA wardrobe for Angus. Fortunately, as I was upstairs I missed most of the expletives.  Later in the afternoon, Angus and I took Molly for a walk, before we had a visit from Lizzie who came laden with gifts, for Rob for his birthday and another gorgeous pair of earrings for me! She's such a thoughtful friend and it was lovely to see her.

Tonight Angus and I are home alone watching a Harry Potter film - we're working our way through the books and the films - while James and Rob are out at the Belvoir theatre for what sounds to me to be a very bizarre play, Mr Burns. I'm sure they'll love it...but I'm pleased I had a good excuse not to go!

On 118 I'm still waiting for the uplift, but tomorrow's another day...

Day 117: Pewter crystal squares

In April 2010, Mum and Dad were overseas on a river cruise from Amsterdam to Budapest; meanwhile Betty and her great friend Marg were on a cruise from Budapest to Amsterdam - they literally passed each each other on ships in the night! At the time, I was in hospital having surgery to remove what was the first sign of this ugly breast cancer. Everyone was reluctant to leave me, but I insisted they go. To my relief, despite their concerns about my welfare, they all managed to have wonderful journeys. Mum came back with gifts galore. These were no doubt hidden from Dad deep in the suitcase; this was a tricky exercise as she always insisted on buying for her 5 children and 5 in-laws and (then) 12 grandchildren, sisters and friends, but it was an art she'd mastered over the years. Earrings are the perfect gift under these circumstances, and the pair I wear today are one of the gifts she bought me, made from Czech crystals and she told me she'd picked up on her way through Prague. I remember so clearly her happy face when she handed them to me - Mum loved nothing more than gift-giving.

It was nice having another pair of earring to link me to Mum today. After all the excitement of 'Robsgiving' yesterday, I found it hard to sleep last night - my hideous mouth and some electric-shock like nerve pain through my fingers and toes didn't help one bit. As a result I've been very fragile today. Robbie took good care of me this morning with breakfast in bed, and a bright spot in the day was seeing my wonderful neighbour Katie for a cup of tea; she's always brings a ray of sunshine and good sense, whatever the conditions. I've been working on some simple tasks this afternoon to while away the hours. It's been raining today so I've not even stepped outside. Tonight Angus is off with his friend Cohen so Rob and I have our big boy to entertain us. I can hardly believe another week has come to an end.

I've got a happy weekend ahead with my new puzzle from Nat...here I go...

Day 116: Victoria Spring Roses

On 'Robs-giving' I've been wearing another pair of Victoria Spring earrings (Day 69) Rob bought for me shortly after we got back together in June 2000. I'd gone off to Malaysia for a week with Helen (Day 23) to undertake some work and came home to find a gorgeous gift from him - these rose earrings with a green crystals and a matching necklace. I wore these for my 40th birthday party; I've finally found the photo from that night of Maddie presenting me with my Onyx and Diamond earrings (Day 38) that I'd been searching for.



They always make me smile when I wear these earrings, remembering those early, exciting, nerve-wracking days. Even though its 17 years on, it seems like yesterday in so many ways. I feel so incredibly fortunate that things have worked out as they have, today more than ever. I can't imagine my life without darling Robbie.





We've had fun on Rob's birthday festival. James made his Dad breakfast in bed, allowing him an unusual mini-lie in, and then the boys delivered the gifts. Calls and messages from family and friends have been coming in all day. This in the morning I took the birthday boy shopping followed by lunch at Three Blue Ducks - the food looked delicious, but my lack of tastebuds meant my hot smoked salmon salad was not quite as wonderful as it looked. Fortunately Rob enjoyed his grilled prawns matched by a Clare riesling. I was jealous! We passed on dessert but headed straight for Black Star Bakery right next door, to buy a treat. We came home for me to rest, and Rob to crack open his birthday whiskey as an afternoon treat!

Having purchased the missing essential ingredient for Rob's standard birthday cake request - a Victoria sponge - Angus and I baked this afternoon. This time we used Betty's sponge recipe. Ours is nowhere near as good as hers, we need to perfect it, but it's a big step up on last years effort, which was too heavy, and the one before that, that looked like the moon including with very large craters (and had a cardboard texture, even without chemo!).


On Day 116 I'm very pleased to have had enough energy to get out and about, but the stabbing still continues, my eyes are streaming and my mouth remains so annoying. Rob was very ill with shingles this time last year, and I'm far my best right now. We agreed over lunch that we'll both be in tip top condition on 18 May 2018!

  

Day 115: Emily and Paula's Pink Crystals

Some weeks ago my dear colleagues Emily Waller and Paula Bennett send me a precious package  - a pair of beautiful pink quartz and silver earrings. They'd selected them while they were together in Byron Bay. They really capture the light beautifully and move so well. I've enjoyed wearing them today and look forward to having the chance to pull them out again soon!

Emily in pretty florals, with Rose and Emma 2015

I chose these today as Emily is undertaking a PhD with Andy and I as supervisors and this morning we had a Skype supervision session - or as Sophie calls it, a skypervision. It was a productive meeting with Emily on her way to writing an important thesis on the stigma attached to those suffering conflict-related sexual violence. Emily has been a great support to me over recent years, especially throughout the writing of my last book.  In those tough last days when Mum was ill and after she died when I was struggling to finish the manuscript, Emily's assistance made all the difference. I would never have finished without her.

Paula is also an important colleague, working with the wonderful Jan Breckenridge (Day 35 ) in the area of addressing gender-based violence, and building crucial bridges between the university and corporate sectors in this area, including vitally,  helping to get the big banks on board to change their practices in the area of financial abuse. Paula has sent constant messages of support, for which I've been very grateful.

Day 115 is a step up from yesterday thank goodness, after a much better night's sleep. I enjoyed a lovely walk around Sydney park in the bright sunshine this morning with Robbie and Molly before coming home for the skype with Emily and doing some other work including other great friend/colleagues Justine, Leanne and Carolien. By lunchtime I was exhausted so had a nice nap. Later this afternoon I had a visit from Nat - she's such a darling, bringing round a serve of delicious Pho soup for our dinner. Juggling the completion of her own PhD and her Dad in hospital, this really was beyond the call but we're so thankful. As is obvious, Vietnamese is my current favourite food, and the boys love it too.

We're moving into 'Rob'sgiving mode' - the name the boys have given to Rob's birthday celebrations - with his birthday tomorrow. It's always hard to demonstrate my appreciation of all his does for me and the boys; it will be particularly hard this year. Angus and I went to make the cake tonight and am missing an essential ingredient - grrr! I've added it to the agenda for tomorrow.

Day 114: Lisa's Pink Crystals

Undergoing chemo is a shitty experience. There's no way around it. Just as you start to feel a bit brighter the toxins go back into attack mode. Last night was a sleepless one: claggy mouth, burnt tongue, sharp stabbing pains, searing nails, racing heart, restlessness. I've reached the Docetaxel nadir today, so I hope this really is the worst of it. I'm thoroughly, completely, utterly sick of not sleeping and feeling so miserable. Thank goodness for digital radio and BBC4 which has become my friend during the wee hours. It cheers me up to know that there are people up and about living their lives in the UK - including precious friends- while we're in the pitch of night, even it it means sometimes listening to depressing UK political debates, struggling to work out the intricacies of 'The Archer's' or getting useless gardening tips given our very different climate.

On Day 114 it was a challenge to get going this morning but I had no choice as Chris our cleaner was coming and we had to 'clean for the cleaner'. Such a first world problem, but one that sends us into a spin every time he comes. The results are well worth it though, at least for the hour before the boys come home and we start the process all over again.  In our current mode of 'getting things done around the house' we also got the carpets cleaned this afternoon, so we're fresh and clean from top to bottom, and that cheers me up.

I added some subtle sparkle to my day with yet another pair of pink crystals in my collection, given to me by my dear friend Lisa (Day 10) many, many years ago. These are like old friends, travelling with me around the world and from home to home. They are dainty, catch the light beautifully and move so nicely.  Lisa always gives the most thoughtful gifts. Today, prompted by the need to clean up my office for the carpet cleaner, I finally got around to hanging the gorgeous cityscape paintings with Jacaranda trees by Chloe Waddell that Lisa gave me for my last birthday, now taking pride of place in our living area.

It was such a stunning day I couldn't resist getting out for a walk in the late afternoon sunshine with Rob and Molly, and Angus on his scooter. Tonight Robbie, ever so thoughtfully, met my latest whim for roast Chicken and baked potatoes. Rob and the boys have been so solicitous of me. I'm so lucky!

Day 113: Ottawa Fringes

Back in 2004, Rob, baby James and I enjoyed a brief sojourn in North America  - our itinerary included Chicago, Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver. The trip involved conferencing, researching and part reconnoitring around Vancouver before we headed back there for a semester in 2005. In Ottawa, Jill Vickers hosted me at Carleton (Day 37) where I gave a seminar about the 'unholy alliance' that had developed at the UN between the US and their strong evangelical Christian lobbyists, hardline Islamic states and the Vatican to block developments in women's rights. In my assessment, and to my despair, the effectiveness of this informal coalition seems to have only strengthened over the past decade to the extent that there was a debate just two years ago -led or supported by these players - about whether violence against women should even be considered a human rights abuse. The constant struggle over these issues is more critical than ever, and exhausting!

Ottawa pre-purchase 2004

Along with my Chicago Elipses (Day 79) I purchased these silver fringes in Ottawa as a souvenir of this trip. I rarely wear such long earrings these days (I've also stopped wearing red!), but remember being attracted by their swing. Amazingly, I've got a photo of me with James in the Ottawa restaurant we were at when I ran across the road to buy them. And I also have an image of an early outing, in front of a restaurant where we were meeting a colleague from Simon Fraser University, set in beautiful Stanley Park in Vancouver.

Stanley Park Vancouver 2004

I had no particular reason for wearing this pair today but while Rob was playing "guess where these come from?" this afternoon (he got it after a few clues), he remembered a few stand out events from that trip. First, in Ottawa when I was away working he and James visited the National Gallery of Canada where James took a particular liking with his sticky fingers to a famed Picasso - the guards were not amused! Second, when we were in Toronto we caught up with my gorgeous cousin Benny Crogan, Suzie and Pete's (Day 55) son who was living there at the time. We had a lovely brunch with him while James slept. Benny's the go to man for anyone wanting to know about wine, from all over the world, and the best places to eat in Brisbane, where he now resides.

Brunching with BJ Toronto 2004

Day 113 has been a busy one in our house. We all woke early to prepare for the arrival of the air-conditioning installers. We finally succumbed after another oppressive summer, with a commitment that the next installation must be solar power so we're not further adding to the climate change that makes the air-con essential in the first place. I was feeling very average - bad mouth issues,  ongoing stabbing, and an increasing sore throat - I guess I should expect to lose my voice again soon. Aside from one adventure, I spent the day with in bed with my computer on my lap working through a number of work issues. I'm so grateful for how accommodating and patient everyone at work is, including today Laura S, Andy D, Andrea B and Sarah W.

The adventure consisted of Robbie and I excitedly making a foray to our new Woolworths, just around the corner and right next to Dan Murphy's - our life has changed and improved for ever (and has been diminished to this!). Apparently, according to neighbour Katie we missed the opening with Jamie Oliver last weekend. I bought some pink grapefruit cordial - why hadn't I thought of it before. It is hands down the most divine tasting thing on the planet - for tonight at least.